Did you think I was dead?? I pretty much was. That whole losing my Superfantabulousness really got to me. I didn't think I had any feelings left, but losing that domain name ruined me. (Did you see what the new owner has done with it?? Like what the fuck. Speak English, douchebag.)
You've missed a lot of my life. Poor you.
Last you checked, I was working at OrgaFoods. It was a match made in heaven. I made friends with all the little managers and got myself a shitload of free OrgaSwag.
Mostly I was after the produce guy. Being a vegan means that I only rabbit food right?? Therefore I need lots of carrots. Like, that's basically all we eat.
Anyway, even though he wasn't supposed to, he let me dig through the produce trash on the reg and I became an organic garbage food eater.
Also, I made a friend. Don't die of shock.
He was a fellow cashier. He's fucking nuts. Also gay, but mostly fucking nuts. Like, if I think someone is nuts, they are seriously, seriously insane. It was as love at first sight as it can get between a straight 37 year old married woman and a 26 year old gay man in an "it's complicated" sort of relationship.
We took our garbage eating to the next level and actually went out back and dug through the dumpster a time or two. In fact, we befriended the dairy manager and he put all the expired cheeses in a nice little box for us to pick up once a week. (I didn't take any cheese, duh, I was just along for the thrill of it).
Of course nothing can last. It turned out the store manager was the kind of crazy that we couldn't abide. She yelled at my BFF one day and he left for lunch and never came back. I cried into my garbage salad.
Then she came after me. Apparently, I'm not the slink away on a lunch break type. I yelled and screamed and called her names and said everything everyone had been saying behind her back and stormed out.
I was sad. I had just gotten benefits, I had made a friend. I really missed my free garbage food.
Now, my lovelies. Now that I have somewhat recovered from the horrible trauma of losing my Superfantabulous domain name, I need a new shinier one. Think of one for me. I'm still suffering from PTSD . . . And lazy. (Mostly lazy.)