Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Not So Superfantabulous

As you can see, the domain name for this blog is no longer quite as superfantabulous as it once was.  This is thanks to a nightmarish series of events that nearly left me in tears while talking to my 6th "Support Rep".

I literally said, "I'm going to cry."

I literally thought I might.  On the phone.  To a complete stranger.

Let me back up to explain how I ended up in this near-crying-on-the-phone-to-a-complete stranger situation.

I bought my domain name two years ago while I was in Korea after death threats were made against my family and I.  They were not made directly to me.  They were made to LousyKorea because I'm a scary bitch anyone who makes a death threat directly to me knows they're getting GANKED!!

JK.  I have no idea why they made them to her, but I've clearly been watching way to much Supernatural which is my new most favorite show EVER!!

Anyway.  I thought having the town from whence I come in my blog address might somehow lead them directly to the tiny town in Korea and my appartment and thus result in the gangking of my family and I.

I have a vivid imagination with a healthy dose of paranoia and disillusions of grandeur, like I'm worth going through all the detective work it would take to track me down and gank me?   (I am so worth it.)

So the domain name came up for renewal and in typical SuperFantabulous style, I ignored the notice.  And the next one.  And the one after that.

Finally, when it came down to the wire, I followed the link.  Clicked a few buttons and renewed.  Or so I thought.

Then came another notice: Your credit card is expired blah blah blah.

What else could I do but ignore it? And the next one, and the one after that.

Then I got still another notice!! See how important I am? All these notices??

This one said, "You took to long to fix your credit card, dumbass.  Your order has been cancelled."


I thought, "Well, I'll just follow a link, click a few buttons, and renew! No probs!" But no.   No, no, no, noooooooooooo.  What happened over the next few days was just one continual "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  The biggest longest "NO" ever in the history of 'Nos'

Oh how I have suffered.  Are the starving children in Africa crying for me?? I'm sure they are.

Turns out, when you buy your damn domain name through blogger, you're buying using google apps who bought it through godaddy and paying for it through googlewallet

Well, when you're a huge dumbass and don't take care of your shit in a timely manner, that nice, tight chain of command blows the fuck up and you're in the most complicated web of clusterfuck ever.

Suddenly, no one knows what anyone else is doing and yet, one entity isn't able to help you without information from all the other entities.

I started out by complaining to google wallet via an online incident report: "Waaaaaaaaaaaa!"

They were like, "Bitch, please. Go to google apps and help your own damn self."

So I tried.  Only I didn't have costumer numbers and emails at my domain name.  I was not that cool.  I complained again, this time via telephone.


"I'm sorry, we cannot help you because the domain is expired now.  I will send you an email telling you what to do."

The email said to go to godaddy and open my account and do proxy things and reset pin numbers and all kinds of other bullshit that I was physically and mentally not capable of.

I called godaddy, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

The first guy was all like, "Bitch please.  I don't give a shit about your problems, I don't really want to help you.  I'll reset your password."


The second guy was much more into saving my life.  He said I could put my domain name on back order

I was like, "Yay!!" Finally, something simple to solve this unbelievable nightmare of frustration.

He went to superhuman lengths to get my domain name back to me only now it costs twice the regular price.

I was like, "I'm going to cry."

He was like, "That's the best I can do."

I was like, sure it's all my fault any of this happened.  If I'd just renewed in a timely manner, updated my credit card, been a responsible human being none of this would have happened.  Now I've wasted hours of my own time, hours of customer support people's time, I deserve to be charged twice as much.  It's a fitting punishment.  And I've been on the phone with this guy for half an hour and he went to so much trouble!!

So I said, "No thanks."

Whatevs.  This blog has 37 followers.  Like anyone gives a shit.  I don't give a shit.  (I TOTALLY GIVE A SHIT!!) I can live with my lame blogspot address (THIS WHOLE POST IS BASICALLY A SUICIDE NOTE!!)  I need to move on with my life (I PROBABLY WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS AND WILL DIE REGRETTING THE LOSS OF MY BLOG DOMAIN NAME!!)

The End.


Sarah said...

That sucks balls! Don't they know that you are too fantabulous to be expected to except responsibility for your actions? Outrageous!

Anonymous said...

I.....I....with tear coming down my face...give a giant, corn-fill shit... for the record

Mister Baekseju said...

Hey you. We kinda miss you on the IOK Forums (http://idiotsofkorea.proboards.com/). I'm sure your sqrlnutz is still active.

I hope all the family is well on the other side of the ocean. Take care you f*ing vegetarian hippie.