Wednesday, November 7, 2012


You are probably, for the most part, a pleasant person to be around.  You have friends! You care about the well being of those around you!  It's possible you even, on occasion go out of your way to be helpful.

Why do you do that?

I have no idea.

This is the problem, I've decided, with my whole life.

I'm not a people person.  Every conversation is awkward.  Every social interaction ends in cringing.

I know how I'm supposed to behave.  I do it when I have to (badly).  

And it is SO MUCH WORK!  OMG! Pretending I give a shit about other people's problems is exhausting.  Listening to words come out of mouths and formulating an acceptable response is harrowing.

So, I've come up with the PERFECT solution!!

It is now my mission to become a nice, normal person.

What, like it's hard?

I'm no longer going to put on a fake smile and nod my head.  I'm going to LEARN to care about your problems.  What's more, instead of running away at my earliest possible convenience, I will teach myself to genuinely want to help you out!!

That's totally possible, right?

I asked MrSuperFantabulous how he does it because he's been known to do a nice thing or two.


"Well, first of all I DON'T YELL AT THEM FOR NO REASON!"

I stared, impatiently waiting.  Then I put a smile on my face because that's my new thing.

"Why are you nice? Why do you do things for other people?" I said, nicely.

"I guess so they'll like me."

That's the secret to niceness that I've been missing all these years?  I have to CARE that people LIKE me then I will DO things for them so they'll LIKE me.

Is that it????  

So simple.  I was worried you had to actually LIKE people to motivate yourself to DO nice things for them.  

As long as you're just worried about them LIKING you, it's easy.




Kmork said...

::scratching head::

Blackchild said...

I think me and you should do a spouse swap. My tiny Asian wife refuses to understand my Asperger spectrum need to be left alone. And I live in Saudi can you imagine how hard it is for me to pretend that I respect their culture and religion every day. I live in an apartment building with other teachers and they want to bowl and shit on the weekend. On Monday and Tuesday my boss requires to me to go dinner and kiss the principals ass in his house. I've been to these functions and it is nothing but 3 or 4 hours of me telling the rabble about what I like about Saudi and Islam. And I have to sit on the floor.

SuperFantabulous said...

And why are you not writing about these horrific encounters for the benefit of your fellow misanthropes? That sounds absolutely tortuous. I would not survive. I barely survived Korea and all they wanted was a few dinners and one hiking trip. Being able to withstand four hours of telling people why you like them means you have an amazingly high pain threshold. I bet you'd hold up well in a torture situation.

Blackchild said...

Still no word on the spouse swap? You do realize I prefer to live at least 3,000 miles from my spouse right? Anyway the reason I don't write about my life is because the people who read my blog hate me and they revel in any sort of misery I might be having . So I only write about vacations and shopping trips.

SuperFantabulous said...

Why do you care what your haters love? Care what I love. I love misery. I love mine and I love other people's. Turn off your comments and they cease to exist.

Mr. AwesomeCool is not interested in a swap. He will, however, pay for my ticket and send me with a generous dowry.