Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Driving Toward Crazy

Have you ever driven across the country? Sounds good in theory.  There are accents to hear! Sights to stare at! New foods to try! Monuments! Landmarks! National treasures!

This country is fucking big.  Wide.  Much like its many inhabitants.  And because of that, your stupidest thought ever, is that driving across it could be in any way, shape or form fun.  In fact, traversing it is about as appealing as licking your way across a giant fat roll.

After about thirty miles, you don't give a shit that there's some kind of famous canyon, or a goddamn river that features prominently in movies, or that you've come across snow in the dead of summer because you're at the top of a mountain range.  Fuck the canyons.  Fuck rivers.  Fuck the mountains.   They are obstacles put there by demon-creature-idiots to add three hours to your drive because you have to find your way around them!!

The driving is killing you, but you drive longer, farther because the more you do now, the sooner the driving will be over!  It doesn't matter that you're running on 5 hours sleep or that you're eating hummus that's been sitting in your car for days because STOPPING MAKES THE DRIVING LAST LONGER!

Remarkably, my amazing progeny are fairly used to what in first world terms could be called "A Hard Life".  They've been around.  More specifically, they've been dragged around.  Why? Because I believe that first world kids are stronger than their first world parents give them credit for.  Also, I'm a dumbass that never really accepted that at some point I would have to 'grow up' and 'settle down'.  Regardless, every single time they've exceeded all my expectations of toughness.

Sure most of the worst things were thanks to their idiot parents who never learned to properly plan ahead, but still.  They rose to every occasion and if you ask me, my kids are pretty fucking impressive.

So driving 13 hours a day to get to a place they don't particularly like is nothing to them at this point. Yesterday was their first day in yet another new school.  Did they cry in a heap like I would have at their age? Nope.  Not even a little bit.

Still.  I think we'd all appreciate a slightly more sedentary life.  This summer I'm going back to RainyTown and NEVER DRIVING ANYWHERE AGAIN!!

I might fly somewhere.  But absolutely no driving.  None. EVER.


Sling Khidorah said...

If only the car had broken down. Just think of the adventure you could have had.

SuperFantabulous said...

I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't