Sunday, March 4, 2012

Fuck This American Life

I had to post this comment from my Close Personal Friend, Yinzerfantabulous because it was just too good for anyone to miss:

I read the first ten pages on a flight in Spain, where my airplane landed in the wrong airport. Rather than read anymore I sat in stony silence, next to a drunk old man who kept touching me and farting in his sleep.

It was the much better option.

I'm also going to be moving abroad soon. Fuck American life. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

And more importantly, it is the perfect segue to some big news . . .


Expecting a boy in May!!


That felt so gross.

(Sorry, I recently had another babymare and had to share the horror with the rest of you)

No, actually, the big news that is vibrating through my completely barren uterus is that I have applied to be a Language and Culture Assistant in Spain.

Now, I am a long shot to get in so don't get too excited just yet:

1. I'm too old. Their limit is 35 :( However, they will consider the elderly so don't give up hope yet!!

2. I applied late. I Eat, Prayed, Vomited and was like, DAMN! I need to get out of this fucked up American life!! Then I remembered that time I went to Spain and, like, lived there and I remembered the program and applied. The deadline is only a few weeks away.

3. The first time I got in, I left early because I so missed my Mr. AwesomeCool and so hated cooking myself and my kids dinner every night.

4. Last year, AC and I applied, got in, then rejected them because we decided it was time to be 'grown ups'. That meant getting teaching degrees or some such bullshit. Well, AC grew up. I'm still douchebagging it up.

5. AC won't go with me. AGAIN! What is with this guy?? Little does he know that I applied him anyway. Ha-to-the-mother-fucking-ha! Hopefully at some point he'll come to his senses.

6. I still don't speak Spanish. Fuck me. I'm practically living in Mexico and I'm not practicing it unless a non English speaker comes into the store and I stumble through a butchered 'Spanglish' conversation like a big a dork.

So for all you who want to follow your Eat, Pray, Vomit dreams, but just don't have the belief in yourself that you can do it, here's a little video that will hopefully help motivate you to do much more than learn to ride a bike and feel happy of yourself:


Blackchild said...

You can always move to Saudi Arabia with me. AC can teach in the men's college and you can feel gender oppression every day. Sounds good right?

SuperFantabulous said...

We thought about it, but I would probably forget my birka and get totally murdered