Sunday, February 26, 2012

Eat, Pray, Vomit

Seriously! Do rich people not realize that their problems are figments of their imagination? Boo hoo!! My husband changes careers a lot! Boo Hoo! I have a successful career as a writer! Boo hoo!! I'm not completely, wildly, constantly happy!

Fuck, Bitch, fuck. I hate you.

We watched 15 minutes and hated on Julia Roberts and her first world, white girl problems so hard, we were all in a bad mood afterwards.

Today, 14yr old and I somehow managed to push through the rest of the movie because goddamit! We're not quitters!

Don't get why such a douchey whiner ended up being the most popular girl wherever she went and why nobody addressed how a nasty redhead, lefty, fifty year old kept attracting young, hot guys.

I'm glad I was able to hold back the vomit long enough to make it through because I had apparently forgotten that I'm way cooler than that dip-shit and it should be me traveling the world. I loved Italy. I loved Spain. I loved China, Borneo and goddamnit, I even loved Korea.

So fuck becoming 'real people' who stay in one shitty place and save money, paying off a mortgage for the rest of our lives. Fuck a house with four bedrooms and a pool! Fuck settling down and a car with a bumper that's not in peril of falling off. OMG, even fuck furniture.

I'll stick to my 'eating rug' so long as I have a 12 hour plane ride and shitty hostile and terrifying taxi rides and finding ourselves stranded for the night in a train station and some shitty monument that's a huge letdown and wandering for hours to find the vegetarian restaurant mentioned on happycow.net in my future

We're not saving up to buy a big, dumb house anymore. We're saving up for pizza. In Italy. Because pizza in Italy is totally worth saving for.

7 comments:

Blackchild said...

Awww. I was counting on future post in which you express hatred towards your bougie youngest dtr over her love of speaking with a twang , Forever 21 and double bacon cheeseburgers.

Drugstore Cowgirl said...

Amen! I hated that movie too, it was such a waste of film. And I especially hate that she never found true happiness until she met a guy and fell in love again. Why can't she just be happy to have the money and the circumstances to travel and live in amazing places?

SuperFantabulous said...

Blackchild: My kids WILL have a twang before we leave here and they WILL call me Ma'am. They have no choice in the matter.

SuperFantabulous said...

Cowgirl: I will murder on sight the woman that wrote that book.

Sling Khidorah said...

Don't hold back. Tell us what you really think.

Sarah said...

I completely agree with you. I didn't see the movie but I read the book because everyone thought it was so amazing and inspiring. Fuck, no. It was so self-gratuitous and lame. I instantly hated her from the first chapter.
I should have realized that if mainstream America likes the book then it must suck.

James said...

I read the first ten pages on a flight in Spain, where my airplane landed in the wrong airport. Rather than read anymore I sat in stony silence, next to a drunk old man who kept touching me and farting in his sleep.

It was the much better option.

I'm also going to be moving abroad soon. Fuck American life. It's not all it's cracked up to be.