Monday, January 23, 2012

The Kids Are Alright

In my ongoing commitment to hypochondria, I went to the eye doctor sure my macula was totally degenerating. He said the inside of my eyeball looks shiny, like that of a much younger person. Forget that I can't see out of the fucking things, my eyeballs are young on the inside, which is where it matters!! Obviously!!

Same with my goddamn face. If I ever bought alcohol or went to clubs, I might get carded. I don't drink and try not to go anywhere unless I absolutely have to, so we'll never know if that hassle would be part of my life. I kinda doubt it, but you never know.

The point is, at work, I'm making friends. Don't die of shock. They're not friends in the way that I would call, hang out, or talk to them unless I have to. I speak to them at work when we happen to be in the vicinity of each other which is pretty much my version of BFFs.

The only trouble with my fake-not-really-friends is that they're literally half my age, but I can totally relate to them and only very occasionally in a mom-kid type of way (don't get a fucking art degree you moron!).

Now. My eyeballs are young on the inside. My face is young on the outside. I've often wondered why . . .

My brain is fucking immature as fuck. <----THE SECRET TO MY LONGEVITY!

Fuck your career. Don't have a mortgage. Refuse to grow up. Planning ahead is for old people! Get an entry level job at FuckingCapris when you're 36. You're a MILF for life.

2 comments:

Kimberly said...

I think I can count on one finger how many time you and I spoke more than one sentence face to face. I am so excited to know that we are BFFs!

I'd get a job where you work, but I don't think they hire MIDWTFs. (Moms I Don't Want To Fuck)

And I think capris suck. They make my feet look two feet long.

SuperFantabulous said...

I know. So many people aren't aware that we are BFF's. They think we have to actually talk and stuff.