Wednesday, December 21, 2011

We watched a shitty movie

*Spoiler Alert*

We watched Riding Hood and I recorded what my kids said the whole time and put it here. Why? Because the movie sucked and this is my blog. I do what I want.

We live the edge of a dark forest . . .

Why, dumbasses?

So leave!

They should sacrifice that kid and let the pig go.

Why have a kid get the water if it's so dangerous?

Those rules are too complicated. Kids can't follow instructions like that!

Don't kill the bunny!

The bunny wouldn't be that calm if they were going to kill it.

There's red riding hood! She's ugly!!

Red Riding hood was just going to run away and never see them again anyway, why does she care if her sister's dead?

Why didn't the wolf eat her if it killed her?

It wasn't hungry.

What's with that person trying to howl in the background?

The wolf's like, 'That Bitch!"

Yep. You're all gonna die.

She's totes gonna kill the wolf. Oh this kid in my class said 'totes' today. He was like, "I totes looked sexy at that party."

Oh! It's her little red riding hood outfit!

Now she's like, "Oh now I'm little red riding hood!"

The hood is for her wedding?

What? She wouldn't wear that to her wedding.

She's marrying a man in black with no soul whatsoever.

That guy wants to split up to hunt the wolf. That's a terrible idea.

The other one won't let him.

He's like, "But I want to die alone, dipshit!"

She's the wolf! JK.

What's wrong with Claude?

Why is he riding a fake elephant?

I bet Father Solomon is a frog.

Seriously! Why is there someone on a fake elephant!

That's not a werewolf, dumbasses. That's just a regular wolf.

Pretty much everyone in this movie has two beautiful daughters.

He had lain with the werwolf!

They brought a bunch of fun toys with them. A severed hand, a fake elephant, whatever that thing is . . .

That guy just does NOT GET IT! You didn't kill the wolf!

They're all being Lady Gaga now, but especially the woman with the weird fluff on her head. I bet she's the wolf.

Is that how they celebrate?

See that woman with the weird fluff on her head?

The retarded boy's going to die.

He kinda looks like Ron Weasly.

She kinda looks like her head's deformed.

That's a weird dance.

He tried to stab the wolf and the wolf's like, "Nope."

Haha! Fail!

Oh no! The wolf's eating the black guy! The black guy dies again!

I'd be so embarrassed if I was that guy who thought he killed the wolf. Oh good. The wolf killed him.

Oh. Black guy survived.

But he was bitten so he has to die.

He was laying out there dying all night only to get stabbed in the morning.

He was like, "Thank god I survived! Help is coming!" Then, "Nope."

I bet the grandma's the wolf because she's always acting creepy.

And she's always doing stuff with that fur blanket.

He's gonna get killed by the elephant?

Thank god we know what that elephant is for now.

Why is nobody stopping this roasting alive thing happening to that retarded kid? Is everyone cool with that?

Ew! Now they're eating that meat thing! Is that meat thing Claude??

(Everyone laughs)

Is it?? Are they eating the retarded kid?

They should kill someone and then wait a day and see if the wolf comes and then kill someone else until they find the wolf.

They should just make it easy and kill everyone. This village sucks anyway.

Grandma brought him evil biscuits.

If I hated that old lady so much I would tell everyone she was the wolf.

I bet that stick is the werewolf.

Oh no! Another one goes in the elephant!

I bet that guy's hat is the werewolf.

It's rude how they just throw them in the elephant head first.

If the wolf can't go on holy ground, why don't they just make the whole village holy?

He knocked her out just by throwing her?

I would kill that bitch.

She's going to wait for him. They're just like Bella and Edward.

He should eat her.

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