Monday, November 28, 2011

Working It

Having been dragged from the dungeons of stocking, into the light of customer service, I can say with unmitigated certitude, SuperFantabulous is NOT consumer friendly. Every interaction with any customer ends in the terrible everlasting sting of awkwardness. Me pretending like I want to help people is definitely the most embarrassing thing ever.

Example. Today I had an retail encounter that nearly killed me.

A couple came in. A skinny guy and his girlfriend who was *not skinny at all*.

He came over to me, thinking I might be helpful in some way.

Him: Do you have any tunics?

What. The. Fuck.

Me: You mean, like, a shawl?

He looked to his girlfriend to enlighten me, fashion illiterate curmudgeon that I am.

Her: It's kind of like a loose robe.

Why are we shopping at FuckingCapris for Jesus wear?

Me: We have some really big sweaters up front.

I said before I realized it kinda sounded like I was calling her fat, even though I was just trying to think of the most tunic-like thing we had!! I resolved to be more careful with what I said next.

Me: They're super loose and roomy.

Shut up!!

Me: Here they are. They're, like, the widest ones we have.


Me: Oh wait! Those over there are even bigger! How about those?


Her: . . . ok?

I shoved the sweater in her unwilling arms and abruptly turned away. I walked as far from her as I possibly could. I really hoped I never, ever saw her again. I was mortified. Maybe she was too. I have no way of knowing. I ran away like the skinny little bitch that I am before I could see the look on her face.

Then ten minutes later I saw her in the fitting room.

I forced myself to smile at her. She did not smile back. And she did not buy that ginormous sweater.


Blackchild said...

My dear retail padawan if you are not sure you are supposed to smile and say." I'm not sure let me check in the back" and then take a 15 min. smoke break, return to the customer smile and say I checked the retail catalog for the past 4 seasons but unfortunately we do not have the item you have requested but we do have some fab fleece underwear.

Sarah said...

I think it is your duty to point out all your customers flaws so they don't walk around in total ignorance.