Monday, August 22, 2011

Phone Wars Part 2

First of all, let me impress you with the hardship I have endured. Ever since we took our wonderful, amazing android smart phones back last Christmas, I have been using a Trac Phone. Not even a cool Trac Phone. No camera, no apps, no nothing. Just calls and texting using the old school 'push 2 three times to get c' texting.

Somehow I survived. Mostly because I ruined some guys Christmas by buying and returning phones several times. It was kind of a debacle. I wasn't sure if I could go through the inconvenience again.

And now since I'm having a surprisingly uber-hard time finding a job, I was wary of upgrading because I spend about 10 bucks a month on minutes for my Trac Phone. Sure the Trac Phone is archaic and annoying and I've been left in the dark ages while everyone else is facebooking and photo-uploading from their mobiles and I could really fucking use a GPS when I'm trying to drive around CrazyHellTown and I was 20 minutes late to a job interview due to horrible, utter lostness (though I have finally been forced to learn map-reading, something that would have saved me innumerable hours spent driving in circles over the course of my driving career), but Trac Phones are cheap as fuck.

However, Mr. AwesomeCool is completely employed. We thought it might be time to maybe think about getting real phones.

We shopped around at all the major mobile stores. We found out AwesomeCool gets a discount because of his teacherness. We became enticed.

We weighed our options and chose the cheapest. We went by, prepared to possibly, perhaps, consider signing up for something. Or whatever.

The girl who tried to help us clearly had no idea what she was talking about. She didn't know how to do the discount and she gave us the 'buy your own phone' prices when we'd repeatedly told her we were not under any circumstances paying full price for any phone. Ever.

We left. Immediately. Our spirits considerably dampened.

Then we had to go to Costco to buy my weekly supply of the best fucking hummus there ever was, is, and will be. Seriously. If you ever find Pita Pal hummus anywhere, put it in your mouth. Immediately.

Anyway. At Costco they have a little mobile phone box where four sales people are crammed in representing all the phone companies. We wandered up, not expecting much because in RainyTown, the Costco mobile phone box people never had any good deals.

But they guys in the CrazyHellTown Costco Mobile Boxes are crazy as fuck! Our mobile superstar, Asif, went nuts on our asses. He started off by upping the discount AweseomCool was supposed to get by four whole percentage points! Then he gave us free phones! He waived activation fees! When we thought there couldn't be more, he threw in free phone protectors, car chargers and a bunch of other shit I don't even think works with our phones. But who cares. It was free. It was awesome.

'So are we gonna do this today?!?!' Asif asked, breathless and sweaty from his incredible performance.

'Yes!!!!!' I squealed, hardly able to contain myself!!

Now, here's the REALLY funny part. We got the exact same phones, from the exact same carrier, that we got and returned last Christmas, only this time, the phones were free (100 bucks a piece before!) and we're paying $40 bucks a month less ($70 bucks less when we get back to RainyTown and don't have to pay all these god-awful sales taxes).

See? Ruining someone's life at Christmas time is totally worth it. You'll be rewarded for your douchebaggery months later with sweet deals on slightly out of date phones and discounts on monthly bills.

Merry Fucking Christmas!


James said...

I love getting things for free. You really are my role model.

SuperFantabulous said...

You've been my role model ever since I found out you can do the Single Ladies dance. Some day I will master it. Someday.