Sunday, August 7, 2011

Across The Universe

We made it 1500 miles in four days of driving. By the fourth day I was pretty sure I was about to go completely insane.

For one thing, Mr. AwesomeCool suddenly turned completely pussy about my driving. So what if when I peel a banana I tend to swerve toward the wilderness? I always stay on the road, Baby!

His new found phobia reached its peak when I tried to eat yellow curry soup while driving.

'No!' He shouted and put his leg on top of it, thus trying to prevent me from even trying.
'Give me the fucking soup!' I said, swerving crazily trying to pry it from under him.
'Pull over and I'll drive! Then you can eat it!'

At this point I reminded him that I lived 9 months without him. During that time I was free to do all sorts of things while driving without him there to nag and interfere with various tasks I am perfectly capable of doing. Examples: Texting, getting dressed/undressed, braiding my hair, eating fucking bananas, EATING FUCKING SOUP!

I reached over and was about to yank the soup away from him, no matter what the consequences, because really, at this point, it had nothing to do with being hungry. It had to do with him being an irrational douchebag that didn't have faith in my mulit-tasking ability!

His response was to turn off the car. I accepted defeat, having realized that I hated driving anyway and this was as good a way of getting out of doing my fair share as any.

Thus I got to enjoy my three day old soup (probiotic!) and take a nap.

The kiddies were totally unimpressed with all of this.

To calm tempers, we stopped at the Great Salt Lake. Given the conservative, religious nature of the area, the only thing I could think appropriate to do was to spend the day in a ridiculous dress from which my boobs regularly popped out.

Mr. AwesomeCool took some pictures of said poppage and that night I accidentally posted one to my facebook and didn't realize it until the next day when my cousin commented 'Is this a joke?' I looked hard at the picture, wondering what she could be talking about. Finally the reason became clear, my right boob was completely out of my dress. Thus the world was introduced to my right boob.

Influenced by my dress and during our stay in the lake, I decided it was my new thing to flash famous places. I flashed the Great Salt Lake, forcing Mr. AwesomeCool to document it with our camera.

Next we stumbled upon Natural Arches monument. I flashed natural arches and forced Mr. AwesomeCool to document it with our camera.

Then we came upon four corners monument. It became my only desire and goal in life to flash four states at once and force Mr. AwesomeCool to document it with our camera.

Sadly, there was road work and when it took us 10 minutes to go 5 miles I decided it would have to wait.

Now here we are in CrazyHellTown. Mr. AwesomeCool starts work in about a week. I still have no job. I've only had one interview. I don't get it. I'm sciency, femaley, I have 'experience' in Korea and Spain. Like most things in my life, I expected to land employment without much effort. Funny how life rarely works out the way I expect it to, yet I'm always completely shocked when it doesn't.

4 comments:

Flint said...

Now THAT is a road trip! :) Glad to hear you made it safe and sound. :)

Jimmy said...

Hi!
I came across your blog today on the Korean blog list. It looks great!

My wife and I have a K-blog called strange-lands.com and we're looking to add decent blogs to our links page.

Would you be interested in a link exchange?

All the best
Jimmy

SuperFantabulous said...

Are you 'Jimmy the Gent?' If so I would be honored if you graced your website with my silly little blog. And of course I would reciprocate. Good day to you, sir.

Jimmy said...

Haha! I'd almost forgotten that nickname.

What ever happened to Mr. W?

Anyway, I've add your link. http://strange-lands.com/links

A fine day to you, too!