Friday, July 1, 2011


Chemistry summer school! What wonderful feelings does that sentence bring into your head? I got through the first semester by studying at least 10 hours a week and spending four hours on lesson plans. Why? Because I have realized something about myself:


Truth be told, had I thought there was a chance in hell I would ever get a job with an English, creative writing or anthropology degree, I would have done it a thousand times more than my science degree. I would have done it until doing it wasn't cool. Those degrees would not have been able to walk straight when I was done with them.

I am in a cohort full of women for whom science and math comes easy.

Not to say I can't fake it. I took crazy amounts of mathy-sciency type stuff and I passed all of it (calculus sucks more than anything has ever sucked before. A tangntial black whole of differentiated-integraled suckage), but it's annoying to be complaining about struggling with high school chemistry and have a bunch of 25 year olds roll their eyes at me.

Not only that, but this program supposedly only accepts 'the best of the best'. We are the over-achievers, we are the type-a's, the perfectionists.

I feel like I have a terrible dark secret to keep. Not only am I not a scientist, I am definitely not an over achiever, type a, perfectionist.


They say:
"You'll get kids that just do the minimum to get by."
"You'll get kids that shut down if it seems too hard."
"You'll get kids that would rather give up and fail than give it their best effort."

And then they say,
"As over achievers, you won't be able to understand it."

TEE HEE!! Little do they know, I understand it perfectly. And I'm doing all those things right now. Continuously, second by second, day by day.

It makes me wonder: If this program really is for the best of the best, the overachievers and I just kinda walked in off the street and am fumbling around just doing what I have to to get through, what would I be doing right now if I really were all those things? What if I had actually tried to do something at some point in my life?

Which is not to say I can get through without putting some effort into it. They make me do stuff. They watch like hawks to make sure I'm getting stuff done. And in order to spare my inflated ego, I study my ass off so I don't look like an idiot in front of a room full of teenagers.

I've managed to teach 20 high school kids something I'm kinda-sorta get.

Which is not to say I don't do the bare minimum. My lovely co-teacher helps with that. In fact, given all the bare minimums I've been handed over the years (Spain, Korea) I'm beginning to wonder if I don't have some kind of mind power over the people I work with.

It can't be just luck that they all decide that I should be required to do exactly as much work as I want while they take up the slack. Can it??

I've had some crappy things happen to me in my life, but this program is by far the crappiest. I have never been so fucking busy in my entire life. No one has ever required so much of me. Even my slacking off has become type a-ish. I can't believe it's only been four weeks. It feels like years of hard labor.

Jesus fucking Christ.


Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

This post makes me want to listen to some Tina Turner.

SuperFantabulous said...

Resist the urge, Chicken, resist with all your might.

James said...

Uhm. I got fired from the program. For not being committed enough.

Blackchild said...

other people's activity makes me tired.

SuperFantabulous said...

What!?!?!? HOW DARE THEY FIRE YINZERFANTABULOUS! Now can you un-secret your blog? It's really hard for me to follow your goings-ons when they don't pop up in my blog reader.

Blackchild: You have a work ethic. This would probably not be hard for you