Monday, June 13, 2011

Things You Never Think You'll Miss

Having been in CrazyHellTown for a week, I now consider myself a complete expert. So here's a short list of things I took for granted back in RainyTown that I never thought I'd miss:

1. Turn lanes. Who would have thought something so simple could be fucked up? When you're new to a giant sprawly town, the last thing you want is to have to drive another mile to the next stop light because you missed yet another turn and the center lane (where a turn lane should be) is giant and park-like with curbs, grass, and street lights and shit!! WTF! Put the street lights on the side of the road like they're supposed to be and let me flip a bitch whenever I damn well please!

2. This might sound crazy coming from me (then again what doesn't), but there is such a thing as too much sun. I know, I know, I bitch and bitch about the dreary rainy weather back home, but jeeze! You wake up, it's hot and sunny. You go grocery shopping, it's really hot and really sunny. You eat dinner, it's hot and sunny again. I never thought I'd miss a cloud.

3. Being able to get anywhere in under five minutes. I thought RainyTown was too sprawled, but CrazyHellTown is, like, fucking ginormous. Words can't even describe how ridiculously spread out this city is. You have to drive. There is no way around it. Even walking from one end of one of the many strip malls to the other takes a half an hour. I know. I tried it. Stubbornly trying to reduce my carbon foot print, I nearly died of starvation, thirst and heat exhaustion all at once.

4. Y'all. Y'all! Y'all? It's YOU ALL goddamit!! Y'all?! You will never hear that phrase uttered from my lips. If you do, shoot me.

1 comment:

James said...

Have you started the training yet? Omfg, I am so excited for that string of awesome posts. Also, why the hell didn't you pick Denver, it's like vegan capital of the world.