Sunday, May 29, 2011

Querying Like A MoFo

So one of my many genius aunts suggested that I post more info about my book on my blog. She said associating it with another wildly popular book will bring unsuspecting readers and possibly prospective publishers in. I find this all highly theoretical, yet I'll never pass up a chance to ridicule doofy books written by doofy people. Thus, doth go the odd comparison to THE WORST BOOK OF ALL TIME: NEW MOON!

1. New Moon, by Stephanie Meyer is far and away the worst book I have ever read. My book, Seoul Dragon, however is not.

2. The protagonist of the Twilight series is a little mind fuck tramp stringing along two equally creepy guys at the same time. My Protagonist, Chavyionne, is gay and not at all flirty and ridiculous.

3. My sister read thirty pages of my novel and was somewhat impressed. To my knowledge, she has never been even remotely impressed with anything Stephanie Meyer has ever done.

4. As a compelling side note, I know someone who knows someone that has toured with Lady Gaga. The guy told my source that Gaga's effing insane rendering it nearly impossible to hold a normal conversation with her. You've been informed.

5. My protagonist has never murmured in her life and does not know anyone who's eyes get 'tight'. This alone sets my book miles above that other trash heap.

6. My book his about a girl who through no fault of her own (although, you really, REALLY should be paying attention to the jai alai ball and not the cute girl standing next to you) becomes a supernatural she-beast. Bella, in contrast, wanted nothing more than to become even more soul sucking than she already was, which oddly, turned out to be completely possible.

7. My book was written by me.

Case. Fucking. Closed.


Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

My book his about a girl who through no fault of her own becomes a supernatural she-beast.

I love reading fiction that contains autobiographical elements!

Blackchild said...

You should post the words Quincy Black and then write about your book you would be surprised about the traffic. And what I never understood about Twilight or any other vampire based love story is the fact they felt sexual attraction even though there is no evidence that vampires have working sexual organs or produce testosterone .

SuperFantabulous said...

Chicken: I know, it's pretty much the story of my life.
Black Mike: I know. Cold + Limp = Gross