Friday, June 3, 2011

My Hopes and Dreams

I have recently noticed a disturbing trend. Though I've had this blog for, like, three years, I'm not super famous and adored by millions and millions of little derelict nutjobs just like yourselves.

In fact, I haven't had a new Derelict Nutjob in over a year. WTF? Given that I'm pretty sure I'm the best thing that's happened to the universe since sprouted wheat bread toast smothered with copious amounts of organic creamy peanut butter, I find this incredibly confusing.

My dear friend/twin Yinzer has been talking about childhood dreams, or something like that. Since my one and only dream since the day I was born has always been to become cruel overlord of the world, I've had to settle for small dreams until the day that I ascend my glorious throne.

Anything in between my giant dream and dreams that I can accomplish without drastically changing my day to day life are soooooooo not worth bothering with.

Now, you might remember from my time in Korea, that there was a little contest (fight to the death) going on between Mr. AwesomeCool and I. In case you haven't been with me that long, I should really supply a link to the post, but I'm just too fucking lazy. Trust me. It happened.

It was abruptly canceled when no matter what I did, I couldn't seem to make it happen. Therefore, I won by default and gave up.

Enter, the eight month separation from my vegan gourmet chef/husband!

I don't know if I've mentioned it or not, but cooking is really, really, REALLY not my thing. I cannot emphasize this enough. Even the horrible task of heating up food makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.

Luckily for those of you who who aren't cool with me starving to death, my uncle taught me to pressure cook beans. Enter a flash of brilliance: Since being vegan was no longer any kind of challenge whatsoever, I decided to go 'low carb' vegan. I have it in quotes because my idea of what a carb is might be different than, like, reality.

Thus, exit all desire to eat, combined with, spin, long stays in the sauna due to debilitating boredom and enter . . .

Six pack!

You're wildest dreams have come true!

Now if that doesn't get me more followers, I don't know what will.

One dream down, up next: Violently conquer the world.


James said...

I'm a total fattie and have way more respect for you. blog is "invite" only now, because of combination of Hungarian death threats and Denver Teaching Fellow professionalism.

If you message me your address, you can be one of the selected...which, is actually way more selective than any Rapture.

SuperFantabulous said...

Being skinny is one of the few things that comes naturally to me.

I figured the death threats and professionalism might get you eventually Mr. My Name Is In My Url.

Is it my email you need? My email is ms.superfantabulous@gmail cause I'm superfantabulous, superparanoid and superanonymous. In no particular order.

Blackchild said...

I too am disturbed by the lack of approbation my musings have received. If not for Quincy Black video I would be reduced to courting search engine bots .

SuperFantabulous said...

I would court search engine bots if I knew how.

Berly said...

I hate your six-pack. It isnt normal. Normal people should like like weeble wobbles. Like me. Fuck your six-pack. I hate it almost as much as I hate my 24-pack.

SuperFantabulous said...

My six pack is a strange, wonderful creature. Thought it's only been around a short time, I love it more than I've ever loved anything before.

Why am I here??? said...

LOVE IT!!!! Now I've got to do the same! Any suggestions?

SuperFantabulous said...

It's all Zuz and vegan low carb