Friday, April 29, 2011

From the Tard Files

What's the absolute best thing to do after you've worked your ass off to pass literally 5 million admission tests, dropped literally millions of dollars going to interview events, and rocked literally everyone on Earth's asses off with your thousands of witty, engaging, personal statement essays?

If you were me, you would think the best course of action at this point, now that you've gotten into every program you applied to, and have payed the non-refundable admission fees, would be to violently change your mind about ever becoming a teacher.

In fact you would become so vehemently opposed to the idea that the very thought of ever entering a classroom makes you collapse to the floor in a nauseous, hyperventilation heap.

Then, when you were finally able to stand up and move around a little, you would make other plans. So far, I have only come up with two extremely viable alternatives:

1. Marry the F List celebrity that wandered into my sauna the other day. Sure, I might have made a slightly insane first impression on him, but once he get's to know me, he will realize that crazy is just one of my many charms.

2. Publish a novel. Yes, OH JOY FOR YOU! Your intrepid leader does more with her incredible talent and vast amounts of idle time than rant and rave on Blogger. I have written, not one, but TWO novels.

Sure, they probably both suck, but so did the Twilight Saga. Case closed.

Unless one of the above goals are met, I will be leaving for a brand new far away state in less than five weeks which leaves a very small window for success.

It is sooooooooo on.


James said...

BAHAHAHHAA. I don't want to be a teacher anymore either, and am 100% freaking out about the move to Denver.

I'm glad others are in the same boat.

James said...

I'm having the EXACT same moral conundrum. Most recently, I have decided to apply to jobs in Paris and South Korea....because somehow getting jobs in a foreign country will make my life better? Gahhhh.

SuperFantabulous said...

I know, right? Find yourself an F List celebrity to marry. We can do a double wedding.
I really hope you go to South Korea, if only for my own entertainment.
I spent one glorious year there, which if you go back in my blog you could totally use as your guidebook of what not to do.