Friday, March 4, 2011

Car Wars

Mr. AwesomeCool and I have always committed to being a one car family. This was great when we were smart enough to be living in the same house that was close to everywhere we needed to go.

Now that we've spiraled off into a whole new tangent of stupid, we've been one car short.

Southern Goat Land, was a veritable used car lot. Mr. AwesomeCool used the SuperFantabulous Grandparents car to drive to work. Every one seemed happy with this arrangement.

Then a RainyTown aunt got in a wreck and totaled her car. Never fear! A superfluous car was handed over.

Then the SuperFantabulous Grandparents decided to buy a new car and give their old car (the one AweseomeCool was driving) to the RainyTown.

With a brand new car in the mix, there was suddenly weird energy about Mr. Awesomecool driving the grandparent's car. Fine. That is understandable, but then this happened:

Goat Aunt cracked an elaborate musical chairs of cars to keep the new car and any other car in the junk yard out of AwesomeCool's hands.

Up to this point, I had been driving our car, but the Goat Anut's plan had AwesomeCool taking our car to Southern Goat Town. I would drive the car that the other Aunt was driving which was actually Southern Goat Aunt's car. Everyone else would trade off between the cars at home.

The SuperFantabulous Grandparents would be the only ones driving their new car which means it just sits in the driveway.

There were plenty of other cars for AwecomeCool to drive: A junky truck and a giant diesel truck as well as a truck that may or may not have actually belonged to the Southern Goat Clan. I thought this whole car circle was completely stupid and unnecessary. I never thought anyone would actually agree to this. Then everyone else agreed to it.

I fought to keep my car and lost. It was an epic phone battle that lasted about 30 seconds.

I have only two requirements for a car.

1. It must be extremely fuel efficient
2. It must be free of animal hair and general disgustingness.

The car I ended up with had neither of these requirements.

A month later my salvation came.

Some members of the Southern Goat Town Tribe came to RainyTown in a junky rundown truck.

They wanted my Uncle to work on it. He did, but the work required took more than the time they were staying. They drove the car I had back to Southern Goat Town and left the truck.

I was sure I would be driving that junky barely running truck, but I ended up using my Uncle's car which met both of my above requirements. Yay!!

However, lately, the Uncle's been hinting.

"I'm going to be finished with that truck soon . . . Then I'm going to work on my car."


I should have added another requirement for the car I drive:

3. It must have a working heater because it's fucking cold here and I seem to have lost the ability to produce or maintain any sort of body heat.

Hopefully I won't freeze to death or cause a multi-car pile up while trying to navigate that ancient jerky truck in the few short months this nonsense has left to play out.

1 comment:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot said...

Korea's startin to not look so bad, hey?