Thursday, December 2, 2010

Library LIfe

Using internet at the public library all day has become my thing. Today my library time was significantly reduced when I sat in the car for an hour at Mini-Fantabulous's school with the lights on.

Looking back, I can't remember why the fuck I was sitting there for an hour, let alone with the lights on. I just remember the annoyance and confusion that overwhelmed me when I tried to turn the car on and all I got was a deep, hacking choke from the engine.

I sat there, weighing my options. I thought about calling my cousin to come give me a jumb. That seemed utterly absurd. I was in a parking lot for chrissakes, surround by cars. Presumably some of those cars had people in the building that I could round up to jump my car.

However, I really hate talking to strangers.

I sat there a while more. Suddenly out of the deep fog of my mind came a blinding flash of brilliance. My car is a stick shift, therefore I should jump start it by rolling it down a hill.

Obviously there was no hill in the parking lot, there was however a slight incline. I put the car in reverse and tried to pop the clutch as I slowly inched backwards. Either I wasn't doing it right or you can't pop the clutch in reverse because it totally didn't work.

Now I was semi-blocking the entrance to the parking lot and no closer to my internet time at the library.

I sat and thought some more.

Some guy in a mini-van pulled in. I jumped out of the car and waved him down.

Bless his heart, he didn't ask how my car had stalled in that odd, diagonal, parking lot blocking manner. However, he did seem somewhat put out by the fact that he now had to bother with jump starting some wacked-out-diagonal-parker's car.

Luckily I had jumper cables, so we didn't have to bother with that awkwardness. He affixed them on his side, while I, like a moron, stood with mine dangling haphazardly from my arms.

Snap! Spark!

Oh, I guess you're not supposed to let those clamp thingies touch.

"So I put them both on?" I asked, hoping he would do it for me and save me from electrocuting myself or blowing up my car.

"Yeah." He said.

I reluctantly clamped the cables on the battery, sure I was about to be blown to smithereens. Miracle of miracles I wasn't.

I started the car. Oh joy!!

I thanked him and he didn't answer me. Whatevs.

Now I'm at the library. They guy across from me has the smallest computer I've ever seen. Several years ago I remember seeing him on a bus once. He keeps glancing in my direction like we could maybe have a 'thing'.

All I can think is, "What the fuck are you staring at douchebag!" That's my usual internal response to anyone who looks at me. Should he be a mind reader, let's clear that up so he doesn't think he's special.

There's a girl with Down's syndrome who comes in here every day to watch Lady Gaga videos. She tries to dance along from her seat. She must really like those videos because her arm-dancing action is so intense I'm often afraid she's going to accidentally punch the monitor and blow it up.

Today two middle school girls came in during her performance. They stared at her with worried looks on their faces as she rocked violently from side to side. They glanced at each other. They looked around the library, like they expected someone to come fix this seat-dancing problem for them.

Eventually a librarian walked by and nearly got punched in the face as the seat dancing girl wildly pumped her arms in the air. However, the librarian did nothing about the dangerous flailing limbs, so the middle schoolers eventually decided they could live with it and sat down.

I don't like this guy sitting in front of me. I wish he would go away, but there's only two lap-top plug ins. No mater where I go, I'll have to be near someone. At least I don't have to use the library computers. I feel sorry for people who only have an hour at a time and have to use the library's slow, danced upon computers.

I kind of wish I had a job so I had other things to do with my day.

No comments: