Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tango Crazy

It's nice having thousands of dollars in the bank and relatives that will let you crash for free, except that looking for a job is beyond depressing, so you kind of don't and then every dollar you spend sends a sad tremor of pain through your chest.

But you've got to eat, right? And since you've got to eat anyway, why not eat the most expensive shit out there, right? Because you and Prestige Korea's wife have inherited the same 'it's exquisite because each olive costs $5 bucks' gene.

Also, all your clothes came back covered in a toxic green mold, right? Well, we have to have a new wardrobe too! Today Mini-Fantabulous and I went into a second hand store to buy her a costume. Unfortunately for everyone, I found a ballerina outfit and forced her to try it on and do ballet poses while I took her picture. I decided she had to have it, whether she wanted to be a ballerina or not. I mean, she's thirteen, what does she know about Halloween costumes anyway?

In addition, I found a flouncy skirt that I thought would be fabulous with my recently procured black leggings. I tried it on and looked in the mirror thinking it was a little short and whorish for a woman of my advanced age. Then as I tried on a pair of black pants with ridiculously over-sized carpenter-type pockets I heard in a thick, wheezy southern accent, "And that skirt looked good on you too!"

I wish I could say that having a creepy unkempt guy leering at me from a distance in St. Vincent de Paul deterred me from buying that skirt. Unfortunately, you now have that guy to blame if you ever run into me wearing an outfit that looks like something a slutty 13 year old would wear.

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