Thursday, October 28, 2010

Critters

What's the absolute best thing that can happen when you've just moved back to Shit-Fuck-RainyTown, you're homeless, jobless, internetless, phoneless, washing machine-less, your bathtub is in perilous danger of falling through the floor, you have a DVD player, but the remote is lost, so if you have to stop the movie it is extremely likely that, rather than stopping, it will go back to the very beginning and then, since you can't fast forward, you either have to push play and wait for it to catch up to where you were or just give up? (Just give up).

What is the best thing that could happen when you've got all that going on? How about your thirteen year old gets lice? Yes. That would be absolutely spectacular.

Enter The Lice Killing Recipe for Vegans Who Don't Mind Wiping out Entire Families of Women, Children and In Utero Insects living on their teens head:

1/2 Cup Olive Oil
20 Drops Tea Tree Oil
10 Drops Eucalyptus Oil
10 Drops Lavender Oil
10 Drops Rosemary Oil

Stir it with your finger and smear it all over your teen's head. Leave it on for 45 minutes or so. Wash out with Tea Tree Oil shampoo (apparently they can't stand that shit). Put Tea Tree Oil Conditioner on your teen, adding about ten extra drops of tea tree oil for good measure and don't rinse off. Those suckers will be totally dead in no time.

Seriously, if you ever run into a vegan who says some dumb shit like, "All life forms are equally precious!" Smack them in the head with a lice covered hand and see how long they let those p'recious life' forms suck blood from their scalp. I'm guessing not very.

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