Saturday, October 23, 2010

Being Back

The most common question I get:
1. What are you going to do now?

Answer: Fuck if I know.

So far, I haven't been doing much other than cleaning and attempting to dissuade my uncle's house from deteriorating before my eyes. Yesterday Mini-Fantabulous was taking a marathon shower upstairs, while downstairs, the ceiling was bulging downward and dripping. I ran upstairs and yanked her out of the shower, sure the whole bathroom was going to fall through the floor at any second. We use the downstairs bathroom now.

The worst thing about being the caretaker of a feral newly formed teenager, besides the loud, hormonal outbursts, is that they want to go hang out at the mall. Last week, I caved and agreed to take Mini and her sidekick, Mini-er, to the local soul draining consumerfest.

To kill time I wandered around trying to find out which mobile phone carrier can handle my Korean cell phone. It turns out none of them. I totally thought I read somewhere that that could happen, but it seems I brought it all the way back with me for nothing.

The folks at T-Mobile were ridiculously impressed with it, though. They spent a good 15 minutes asking, "Why don't we have anything like this?"

I blew their minds by telling them that that was the standard phone that came free with my service.

Then I spent about an hour telling them all about my cake job in Korea and how I spent less than a dollar on my 1.5 hour subway rides to Seoul.

I left wondering what the fuck I was doing back here. My malaise was further enhanced by the fact that I was still in the mall.

Other than that, I spend most of my time using free internet at various local establishments. I try to keep a schedule so that I'm not going to the same place too many times a week. Why? Because I end up staying for about 4 hours. I don't want to look like an internet stealing freak.

Yesterday I spent five hours at the library, then I went to pick up Mini, then we came back to the library to watch Glee and The Family Guy. It was then that I realized, I may have an internet addiction.

In fact, I'm putting applying for jobs on the back burner so I can hang around town using free wifi while my kid's at school. After school, we have many other obligations, such as Ballet and Mini recently started attending a program for 'Injun' kids.

I told my aunt (The Goat Lady) and she said, "Did they laugh her out of the building?"

I was like, "No, why?"

"Because she's got green eyes and light brown hair!"

"Oh, yeah, that."

As everyone knows, it is waaaaaaaaaaay cool to be Native American. Anyone comes to acquire this little known fact about my heritage is just falling all over themselves to tell me how their great-great-grandmother's second cousin was a quarter 'Wannabe'.

Therefore, anyone who's great-great-grandmother's second cousin was a quarter 'Wannabe' is going to have their kids go learn their 'heritage'.


I avoid telling people what I am at all cost because they'll also get misty eyed, like I still live in a tipi and could break out into a medicine dance at any moment.

In conclusion, Mini was the darkest kid there. Most of the kids were of the extremely prevalent blond haired, blue eyed tribe.

I'm not going to lie, it kind of irks me, but only because I find it extremely unlikely that a bunch of blond haired blue eyed parents would take their kids to an "African Heritage" class and go around bragging that Great-Great Grandma's second cousin Jemima was a slave from Nigeria.

3 comments:

Mike "Long Legged Mack Daddy"Jones said...

I agree completely. I find it maddening when Black people do it as well. They'll list off the 1/32 Cherokee as if that is a relevant part of their D.N.A mixture. But then again being Black has always been the absolute worst thing you can be in America.

SuperFantabulous said...

Yeah, pretty much everyone and their dog is at least 1/32 cherokee.
You're right, America definitely takes a strong stance against being black. Because it's not like you're born that way or anything. You totally choose it.

Berly said...

Ha! You couldn't be further from the truth about the stance against being black. I would LOVE to be black! They get all the cool holidays, TV shows and "Days". Shit, The whole month of February is devoted to black history. But to be fair, women get March, poets get April, Asian Pacific Americans get May, Hispanics get September, and Native Americans get November.

But alas I am the whitest Native I know. Even compared to my own family. They toss me off the rez every time. When I try to celebrate an observe my government issued month devoted to OUR kind, I have to flash my beaded Indian badge and prove what my skin color denies.

I do hope that your mini enjoys her classes. They are fun. I used to teach them! lol
Peace out.