Sunday, September 12, 2010

Manorexic

I don't know if you've heard, but Mr. AwesomeCool has lost A LOT of weight. He eats less, he exercises more and holy fucking jesus!! Fat starts melting off him like he's a lard popsicle in a frying pan.

The only reason I've noticed is because any chance he gets, he prances around in his underwear demanding that I look at his six pack. He also interrupts our dirty chain terrible TV show watching habit to do less important things like go run intervals (because intervals are the key to massive calorie burning, so sayeth our lady of the chiseled six pack,Zuz).

Then, who looks like a dirty, lazy slob when she refuses to remove herself from the couch because the thought of running intervals makes her want to throw up and die? ME! Never mind that there's no one around to see or care about my slothiness, it still totally, totally matters.

Lately he's been upping the ante by making batches of chocolate-chocolate chip cookies, bringing the whole plateful of gooey, warm deliciousness over to me, dropping it in my lap and running away giggling. Then, when he refuses to eat any himself, who ends up looking like a glutton when she eats the whole plate because no one else is going to? ME!!

This Skinny Bitchery must stop! There can be only one, and for the past 14 years my malevolent reign has been unopposed! So I've struck back! I have committed to not missing a single workout for the next 20 days.

By Jupiter's Cock, who will join me in my quest as I Zuz relentlessly? Come October 2 we'll see which Skinny Bitch will reign supreme. One Skinny Bitch to rule them all, One Skinny Bitch to bind them . . . something about darkness . . . and maybe a hobbit.

1 comment:

Mr. Awesomecool said...

Lies, I ate a cookie too.