Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I HATE YOU ZUZANA!!

How dare you, Zuzana, inflict upon us mere mortals a workout that should only be attempted by the gods? Are you insane? You have never so grossly over-estimated my squat, plank with side knee raise, one-leg squat jump-up, side plank lift with cross over abilities!



And you Mr. AwesomeDump!! You lazy thug!! Sitting like a lump on the couch, smacking your lips loudly as you inhale that day old melon and watch The Vampire Diaries!

Meanwhile, I struggle through the most time consuming, mentally taxing workout of my life. The juice is dripping from your chin, I want to smack it off your face as I finish the second round.

Halfway through: How much time is that? 28 minutes!! 28 minutes and I'm only halfway through?! Are you fucking serious? What is wrong with me? I must be doing something wrong.

Me (in between shuddering gasps): Is it really 4 rounds?
Him: What?
Me: Oh my god!!! Just take those fucking earphones out of your ears and find out how many rounds!!
Him: Ok! Calm down! Just a minute . . .
Me: Hurry up!
Him: *grumble* Four. Four rounds.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: I'm looking right at it!
Me: Shit!! And alternating sides for the one legged squat jumps?
Him: No, 20 each leg.
Me: 20 Each leg!?!? Are you fucking serious?!?! I only did 10! Oh my god!! It's even worse than I thought!!
Him: It's been 28 minutes. You should stop.

Should I stop? No. Try one more round. See if you can go faster.

I could not go faster.

17 minutes later I finished the third round and quit. 44 minutes and 50 seconds of torture over. Mr. AwesomeCool didn't even congratulate me for living through it. He was too busy with his twatty little vampires. I wanted to throw my sweaty yoga mat at him. The only reason I didn't was because my arms were to tired to lift it.

You may think I'm being harsh, but that workout made me totally crazy. Aside from sitting peacefully on the couch while I struggle through workouts, I'm also mad at him for scaring away my biggest fan! Mr. AwesomeCool has had a very naughty week. Don't worry, SuperFantabulous readers. He will be appropriately punished.


Edit: Zuzana was also not able to complete all four rounds, however her three rounds with the 35 lb. sandbag were way faster than mine. And if you watch the video, you see she suffered just as much as I did. Now I'm much less grumpy about the whole experience. I also forgot to mention that since I don't have a sandbag, I did a touch down, jump squat, jump tuck, jump squat combo instead of what she did with the sand bag. Try it!

1 comment:

Gibbering Madness said...

Madness. But try doing squats with a 200 pound barbell on your back.