Friday, July 30, 2010

Vacation is Imminent

Today was the last day of the first round of summer camps. Last Monday I handed in my lesson plans. I dutifully changed everything glorious and wonderful I had planned and wrote completely lame and boring lessons on "Living room", "Dining Room" and "Table Manner" as instructed.

Mr. Giggles spent all that day looking over my lessons. It made me fucking nervous. I didn't want to be hassled about them and I sure as shit didn't want to rewrite them for a second time. In the end, he didn't say anything about it until the Wednesday before camps started.

"We wrote lesson plan also." Mr. G suddenly announced while I was right in the middle of a "Rescue Me" episode. I tried to forgive him this rude interruption.

He motioned toward my meticulously, lovingly crafted summer camp plans, then added, "Some things changee."

I took that to mean that 'everything' was going to change. However, I didn't give a shit because it was also implied that he would be doing the changing.

By Friday, said changes were not forthcoming. By Friday afternoon, I had no idea what was going on. Friday right before it was time to leave he surprised me with another announcement, "I will be there Monday only. My teacher will be there other days."

'My Teacher' is our boss and doesn't speak a word of English.

Monday he didn't show up until 5 minutes before camp started. He showed me his change, "On Friday, no movie. Makee sandwichee."

He stuck around the first hour, translating when needed but after that I was all on my own.

The rest of the week was pretty much the same. I was completely unsupervised. As a result, I ditched my lessons on 'Dining Room', 'Living Room' and 'Table Manner.' Who needs that shit? Nobody.

So I went back to my original lessons with emphasis on the following truths:

1. Never, ever, under pain of death should another student answer, 'so-so' to the question 'how are you'.

2. The Beatles are the best band of all time anyone who is not the Beatles totally sucks and basically doesn't even deserve to be alive. I made it my mission to teach the kids, "All Together Now." It is a surprisingly simple song and will set them on the path to loving music that doesn't suck.

3. I also once again taught them that food only includes fruits, vegetables, grains and a few nuts. If they want to learn about anything else, they'll have to go elsewhere.

The last class today was hijacked by 'My Teacher'. She took over the sandwichee making lesson. The cheese and jelly sandwiches from Winter Camp were such a hit, she served them again. Only this time, she decided they needed to learn how to use a knife and fork.

Though I could hardly believe what I was doing, I fulfilled my Longhead duty and taught the kids how to eat their jelly and cheese sandwiches using a knife and fork. Amazingly they were willing to give it a go. Some of them got pretty good at it.

And that's how they learned the most important lesson of all: Jelly and cheese sandwiches are best enjoyed mangled to within an inch of their lives with a knife and fork.

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