Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Dr. Korea Part II

So about four months ago I invented a workout to end all workouts. It nearly killed me. Ever since then my back has been bothering me. Turns out I'm not 18 and completely invincible.

Incidentally, it has now been over a month since I stopped exercising in an attempt to heal my back. It's a new record for me. I'm very proud of my slothiness.

Anyway. After that workout and because of the sudden irritating ever-present pain in my back, I discovered a huge lump along my spine. I did the only sensible and appropriate thing one can do in such circumstances. I googled 'hard lump spine tumor'. I discovered that I had spinal cancer.

Well, not quite. According to Dr. Google, if I really did have a life-threatening spinal tumor, there should be leg and feet numbness to go along with it at some point. Dutifully, the next day my feet and legs went numb.

So for the past four months I've been slowly dying of a horrible cancerous spinal tumor. Immediately upon my self diagnosis, I made the choice to forgo treatment. The thought of fighting cancer in Korean was too much for me. All that hand gesturing and waiting for handi-pone dictionaries . . . I would rather drop dead.

Dropping dead ended up taking way too long and Mr. AwesomeCool quickly grew tired of me whining about my terminal cancer, especially since he diagnosed my lump as knotted muscle tissue. I finally gave in and went to the hospital near my house. They thought my lump was weird. They took an x-ray and sent me to the orthopedist.

The orthopedist decided I had a slipped disk (or something. His handipone dictionary was not all that great with medical terms.) He didn't even bother feeling my lump. So I made him.

"Yes, but it is not causing the numbness in your legs."
"It's not?"

He prescribed me pain killers and physical therapy. It was only after I left that I realize the lump mystery was not solved. The doctor had distracted me and shoved me out the door. I went to physical therapy which consisted of ultra sound, electric therapy and a laser.

Last week I got the name from my Facebook peeps of a doctor in a nearby city that spoke excellent English. I went to him to solve my lump mystery. I made him feel my spinal tumor from several different angles.

His diagnosis? I'm too fucking skinny.
"That is part of your spine. Most people have more fat. If you did, you probably wouldn't notice these bones." He said in perfect English.
"But it's waaay bigger than the other side."
"Yes. Sometimes that happens."

He prescribed me physical therapy and shoved me out the door.

1 comment:

DrugstoreCowgirl said...

I'm pretty sure they're all wrong and it's cancer. At least that's what I'd think if it was happening to me :)

If you're going home soon I'd get it checked out there. Or really in any other country but this one.