Thursday, July 22, 2010

Deskwarming Part II

Suddenly with no forewarning whatsoever, I find myself alone in my English Office for eight hours a day. Today someone called me wanting my address to deliver a bikini I ordered from gmarket. He chatted away in Korean as I said, "What? What? What?"

He hung up on me and a few seconds later someone who spoke passable English called me and asked if there were any Koreans around. I wasn't sure if there were and I didn't really want to find out, but I left my Fortress of Solitude to go find out. I really want that fucking bikini.

I went to the teacher's lounge and was surprised to see four people including the vice principal in there. I had taken the risk of wearing a sleeveless shirt today. I felt it was a risk anyway. I never see any of the other women wearing tank top type things so I assume it's not allowed.

I burst in into the office in my tank top with my cell phone. I shoved it in the face of a woman who when I first met her said, "I am Lila, I am older than you but I am still single." At the time I thought that was a sad, un-necessary thing to say. I didn't know then that women had an expiration date.

Lila spoke to the delivery driver while I explained the enormity of the situation:

"They're delivering my bikini."

She hung up and explained to me that the building number I was trying to give them was wrong, that the one on my alien registration card was right (it isn't).

"No. The building has a giant 737 painted on the side. 737 is right."
"No. The building is 707. Doesn't go that high." She said pointing to the correct building number 737.
I wanted to say: OH MY GOD, WOMAN! I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THAT BUILDING FOR ALMOST NINE MONTHS! I KNOW WHAT FUCKING NUMBER IT IS!

However, since I was pulling her away from her super 'busy' day right in front of the vice principle AND wearing a tank top, I didn't want to cause any more trouble.

She called about five more people to figure out where I live because apparently it doesn't enter into the GPS thing they all have in their cars. Last time I ordered something the same thing happened. Luckily at that time I was able to track down the 'Building Guardian' and have him explain it. Even with the guy giving exact directions it still took 10 minutes to get it across to the delivery driver.

Finally she hung up the phone and smiled at me, "You were right. It is 737."
"Oh, it is?" I said, smiling back, feigning surprise, in my tank top.

She called the delivery driver back. They spoke a few words and she hung up.

She was at a loss to explain in English what had happened. She enlisted the help of everyone in the office.

"니마ㅓㅇ리ㅏㄴ어?"
"니ㅏㅇ Delivered ㅓ리ㅏㄴ?"
"니ㅏㅓ니알 Package!" That was the vice principal.

She turned to me, "Your package has already been delivered."

Fanfuckingtabulous!

I thanked everyone and ran away to enjoy my tank top in the solitude of my English office and think about my new bikini.

4 comments:

Flint said...

I didn't know women have an expiration date.

That was great. I may have to borrow it. Hope you didn't copyright it. :)

SuperFantabulous said...

I copyright nothing!! Also, I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first one to say that, anyway.

Loco said...

Lila spoke to the delivery driver while I explained the enormity of the situation:
"They're delivering my bikini."
I love it! Your comedic timing is superfantabulous yo. Love it. So effortlessly (at least it appears so which is a gift in itself)
Loco

HuskEric said...

Side note: You better not ficking leave Korea. Who else is going to get my through my boring excuse for a life? Fo Geezy-sweezy yo, it's better on my students when I read your babble!
Chao
-HuskEric