Thursday, June 3, 2010

Boating Erection TIme

Have you ever been cruising around in a speed boat on a lake, just zooming around for no apparent reason? You go really fast then turn and create all kinds of spray and waves?

You like to go really fast then do a 180 to make your pretty wife squeal, "Honey! Not so fast, I'll spill my champagne!". You smile and get a huge boner as a result. Why? Because you're riding around in a boat on a lake going really fast and doing awesome turns that cause waves and spray. It makes your pretty wife squeal and spill her champagne.

Anyway, it was so perfect. The end of the six pack competition was June 1st, but the next day was "Boating Day" or "Erection Day" depending on who you talked to. I thought it would be just so perfect to combine the two into a "Six Pack Boating Erection Day".

Mr. AwesomeCool and I took pictures and compared them to some shots we took a month ago. Then it was epic disappointment time. I could see no discernible improvement in my six pack. In fact, it looked somewhat less six packie than before. I was devastated and lost interest in the whole thing.

Enter the 30 Day Eyeball Challenge! I've been doing research on Natural Eyeball Healing Shit. I'll give it a good faith effort, doing all the exercises and eyeball relaxation techniques for 30 days or so. If at the end of the 30 days my eyes continue to suck ass, I will seriously consider surgery. If there is any improvement whatsoever, I will be beyond overjoyed.

The most well known is "The Bates Method". The worst part about "The Bates Method" is that you can't wear your glasses. As I type this I have to put my face eight inches from the screen and even then the letters are blurry. You're closer to me than you ever thought possible right at this moment.

Surprisingly, I'm a lot less blind than I though I was. I thought I wouldn't be able to make it to the bus stop without my glasses, but I did. Then I thought I couldn't teach class without my glasses, but I did. Though I couldn't completely disconnect myself from my old Coke Bottles. They're sitting on top of my head in case of emergency.

I found this "Natural Eyesight Improvement" website in case you're interested.

Also, my school finally granted me my vacation! I was super pissed. They had given me the wrong days. I glared fiercely at Mr. G.

"No, no, no! Those are the wrong days!"
"I . . .I thought you said second and third week."
"No!" I grabbed my desk calendar, "These weeks here!"
"You said me . . . later weeks."

I took my 'Vacation Permission Asking' folder off my desk prepared to show him his terrible error. I flipped to where I wrote down what days I wanted when I started this process over a month ago. And that is when I saw that he was right. I had totally asked for the days he was showing me.

Now I feel like a huge, blind douche of epic proportions. I will have to think of some way to make it up to him. Bitch fits should not be without consequence. Especially if it turns out they're over nothing.

1 comment:

Flint said...

I hate when that (getting pissed off and finding out you were wrong) happens.

Last time it happened I was lucky. I had screwed up the first day we had off. Booked my ticket a day earlier. My boss said no problem you have an extra day. He was a great boss.