Sunday, April 4, 2010

That Time of The Month

Mr. AwesomeTool is furious at me. I have no idea why. I can tell he's furious at me because he stormed out of the bedroom in a passive aggressive huff the second I came in here to spend time with him (by spend time with him, I mean being in close proximity while we mutually ignore each other to watch terrible TV shows on our respective laptops. My new addiction is 'Couger Town'. Courtney Cox is absolutely adorable. I'd totally tap that 50 year old ass).

Now he's giving me the 'shun' treatment. He will neither be in the same room with me nor acknowledge me when I enter his newly designated territory. This is unusual. When you've been together as long as we have, you don't usually run into a blind fight. How it is supposed to work is that, when you're (I'm) bored you (I) know exactly what to do or say to start the argument of you're (my) choice and orchestrate it to last as long as you (I) want and end precisely how you (I) want it to.

At this point we've been together so long, we're two extensions of the same fucked up amalgamous monster. Not much happens to one part without the other part being keenly, excruciatingly aware. Therefore, the sudden seething hatred being directed in my general direction is somewhat surprising. Usually if he's mad at me, I know exactly why because I did it on purpose. Since I have some time before MegaVideo will allow me to get my next fix, I've come up with a few possible explanations for this perplexing fury:

1. Thanks to LousyKorea, I've co-opted the pet-name 'Douche' for him, as in: "Hey, Douche Bag! Where's lunch!" Maybe he doesn't take kindly to being called, 'Douchey McDouche' all day. Who knew someone could be so sensitive?

2. After he fixed my lunch, I forbade him from killing Yau Guai in Fallout 3. I'm well known for my devotion to god, the gays, hopeless little douchey dinner dogs and pixilated endangered species! Why should he be allowed to run around the imaginary 50's themed nuclear wreckage killing poor giant beasts and eating their flesh when all they're trying to do is get by in a cruel, cruel, radioactive world?
"Hey, Douchey! Stop shooting that Yau Guai in the ass!"
"Why?"
"Cause it's mean! Knock it the fuck off!"
"But it's just a game! They're not real!"
"You don't know that!"
"?"
"!"
"What the fuck is your problem! You always kill them when you're playing! Why's it suddenly a huge fucking deal!"
"OMG! You are so dumb! That's obviously because I don't have the 'Animal Friend' perk! I have no choice! For me it's kill or be killed! You're just a bloodthirsty psychopath infringing on their territory and throwing nuka grenades on them when they're just trying to be your friend!!"
"?!?!?!?!" He turns the game off and goes into the bedroom.

3. I decide now is the perfect time for us to 'spend time together'. I follow him, crawl over him, and flop down beside him. He seems slightly unhappy with me. I can tell cause he's glaring at me.
"What are you glaring at me for?"
"That hurt!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! You just dug your bony fucking knees into my back! You have the whole bed to crawl around on, why do you have to pick the one part I'm on!"
That seemed pretty funny to me. I laughed and he stormed off.

4. This is by far the likeliest culprit: Mr. AwesomeEstrogen is on his man-rag. Like man-flu, man-rag is a serious life-threatening affliction with debilitating symptoms you women can't even begin to comprehend! Luckily, it only happens once or twice a month and all will be back to normal in 3-5 days.

So, I'll bide my time, riding out the insanity wave by watching 'Cougar Town' and shooting Death Claws in the ass. I don't have the Animal Friend perk so it's totally OK.

7 comments:

Lousy Korea said...

My own Mr. Douche experiences the Man Rag. He tries to deny it, but the more he does, the more he resembles a man on the rag.

Mr. Awesomecool said...

Let those who don't bleed cast the first tampon.

SuperFantabulous said...

If that even meant anything, I would have a clever comeback.

Lousy Korea said...

Whoever casts the first tampon definitely bleeds. Possession of tampons is an indication of bleedage.
;)

Mr. Awesomecool said...

possession may be nine tenths of the law, but as I said before, if it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Kimberly said...

What the fuck is a Man-Rag? Do they stick it in, or wrap it around?

SuperFantabulous said...

I'd have to guess stick it in. Otherwise they wouldn't be quite so grumpy.