Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My SuperFantabulous Ass!

Today is national testing day. As if anyone needed a test to know that Korean kids are the smartest, most sparkling kids on earth. That goes without saying. What also goes without saying is that my English speaking skills are highly necessary on a day like today. I'll completing the highly relevant, essential task of sitting at my desk watching terrible TV shows all day.

Mr. SuperFantabulous and I rode the bus together today. We were lucky enough to have seats. A hunched over old Roundhead lady perched herself right next to me. Sitting down, I was about two feet taller than she was standing up. I gave her my seat. Not because she was short, because she was old and riding the bus is an extreme sport in Korea, not generally ending nicely in terms of stooped over old ladies remaining vertical.

Mr. SuperFantabulous was surprised.

'Look at you, Longhead."
'What?' Apparently giving up my seat to an old lady is not keeping with my 'I hate all Roundheads' platform. It seems I'm getting a reputation for being some kind of racist!

Well, that certainly isn't true! I'm no racist! I just happen to not like most people. Roundheads are people. They are automatically disliked until they prove themselves worthy of my good graces. Very few people are able to claw their way back from the deep pit of barely contained hostility they initially find themselves in.

It takes a rare and wonderful creature to get a free pass. There is one such Roundhead at my school. Anyone who knows jack shit about me knows everything I do, I do for god and the gays. This guy falls into the latter category. He gets a free pass. Unfortunately, the language barrier prevents me from alerting him to his unbelievable good fortune! Poor guy. It's like winning the lottery when you didn't even know you had a ticket.

Speaking of god and gays, I've found someone who might be both:

Which relates to my ass, touching myself, and people I dislike. There is a message board I frequent: An Idiot's Message Board. I have SuperFantabulous fans over there. One of them spent at least four days coming up with this poem-type thing in my honor:

Lady Sqlrlnutz was bored
With her life in the ROK
So she joined the Idiot's Tale
To see who she could shock

You can read the rest here, if you're so inclined.

I can only assume this means the guy is madly in love with me. He kind of goes on and on, doesn't he? It took me two sittings to get through the whole thing and it's a good thing I suffered through because I found that unfortunately, I can't reciprocate his feelings. The following 'stanza' made it all too clear:

Lay off of those doughnuts
And Put down that ham
Stop eating those Ding-Dongs
And don't munch on that spam

Anybody who knows jack shit about me knows that everything I do, I do for god, the gays, and not eating disgusting shit! Had this guy really read my blog everyday as he claims he does he would have known that! Now not only has he proven himself to be a terrible poet and a liar, he's also broken what can only be construed as my heart!

Back to the pit, my boy. Back to the pit.


LouDog said...

Well I guess the roundheads don't need to run us off the peninsula with pitchforks and torches after all.

Apollo Ohno rules!

SuperFantabulous said...

Yu-na Kim is in love with Apollo Ono.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot said...

how does one break something the consistency and color of black licoriche?

SuperFantabulous said...


lulu said...

Please forward this to your husband, he blocked me, what a coward!!!
Why did you remove my latest comment and why did you block me?
what are you afraid of?
and I'm not the one who's angry here. YOU ARE!!!
I don't like blackman, by the way.
Just look at your horrible and vulgar languages and after reading your post, you don't care about teaching Korean kids.
You just want to make a living in Korea.
Actually I'm writing very legitimate post here.
As a taxpayer, I have a right to kick low class scumbag like you from teaching our kids.
I'm just telling you not to sign another year, just go back to your country after this year.
If you won't, I'll post your and your wife's blog to the biggest korean community and they'll find out who you are and where you are.
And your school will kick you out eventually.
So one last time, I'm begging you.
No more year in Korea.
Just go back to your country ,please.

Anonymous said...


After reading a few entries of this blog, my initial reaction was similar to yours. I think the posts are indicative of this person's view of life. She sounds absolutely miserable. I'm sure in her mind it's Korea but I am convinced that you could put her anywhere and she would still be miserable. Lulu, read some of the positive ex-pat blogs and you will know that people create their own realities.
p.s. You can forget about the idea of her not teaching for another year because,trust me, I guarantee you she'll be signing for another year!

Mister Baekseju said...

You know that you're not miserable Mrs. Superfantabulous. Don't listen to the anonymous commenters.

SuperFantabulous said...

Lulu, I will be sure to pass your concerns on to my husband. Thanks for coming!

SuperFantabulous said...

Mr. Baekseju: I'm not a miserable cunt. I just play one on TV. :)

Danielle said...


Hate Mail.

You have arrived.

Congratulations. I'll throw you a party later. =]

SuperFantabulous said...

Thanks! xoxo!