Monday, March 15, 2010

Phiting Part II

Imagine for a moment you're a Korean student. You're tiny, you're in English class and aside from 'listen and repeat' where you loudly demonstrate that you can out 'repeat' any mother fucker out there, you're bored out of your mind. What do you do to keep from falling into and Englishee induced coma?

You insult Kid B sitting behind you who up until now has been contentedly minding his own business. You know what's going to happen. You're going to turn back around and he's going to start hitting you in the back of the head. You turn around and just like clockwork you receive a jarring blow to the skull. Kid B has played right into your little Korean hands. You and Kid B trade punches for a while.

Kid B starts to take the whole thing waaaay too seriously. You might not have noticed when you started this whole thing that he's quite a bit bigger than you. Kid B can hit pretty hard. He's also just called your mother a painted clown monkey. What do you do?

You check out the objects you have at your disposal for the coming battle. An eraser (too soft and bouncy to be of any real use), a pencil (perhaps a stabbing is in order?), your pencil case (it could work nicely in a bludgeoning situation) or your Englishee book (hey, you're not using it to learn English, might as well make it useful somehow). Which do you pick?

As a very small person, you naturally go for the most size-appropriate weapon available to you: Your desk. Throwing a desk on Kid B's head is the only suitable punishment for his mother-insulting transgression. In your intense anger you mistake yourself for the Incredible Hulk. You try to pick the unruly thing up only to have it fall on the floor, dumping all your shit out. Kid B is laughing his ass off which only enrages you further. What do you do?

You don't give up, that's for sure! You've come sooooooo far! You've tipped over your desk! You've dumped all your shit on the ground! You've also come to terms with the fact that you might be too small to be tossing around a desk that outweighs you by at least 20lbs. You move on to plan B. You flip the desk all the way over and use all your strength and three of your four available limbs to hike the desk up and wave a leg threateningly in the general direction of Kid B's right elbow.

Now what do you do?
You hope to god he's a not a lefty because you want the impending destruction of that right arm to have the greatest impact possible. Kid B looks concerned. Or is that confusion? When you're about to collapse from giant-desk-waving-induced exhaustion, it's pretty hard to tell.

2 comments:

Mike in Korea said...

I don't mean to alarm you but SuperFantabulous. com looks just like SuperFantabulous. blogspot.com

SuperFantabulous said...

I'm alarmed! Your attempts at keeping me calm have only resulted in the opposite effect!!