Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Phiting Part 3!

Mr. Shiny Suit is taking his leave. He was quite distraught today. He huffed around with his man purse after his classes.
"I will quit the school tomorrow."
"Really?" I was shocked and titillated by the real life drama unfurling before my eyes.
"Yes. New teacher will be here tomorrow."
"Oh." I went back to my terrible TV show, completely untitillated.

He continued sighing loudly, dramatically to himself, "I have lost my passion!" He lamented, "The students are noisy and rude! I don't like them! I want to play a game, they ask 'Why?'" He shook his head sorrowfully, "They are so rude. Rude people are people I dislike intensely. I cannot take!" He pulled a wadded up piece of paper out of his shiny suit jacket, "This is a symbol of my anger!" He recrumpled the paper for emphasis.

WTF! Has this guy never been around kids before?

"Yeah, they can be like that." I rolled my eyes, rudely and ignored him.
Apparently, Roundhead 'teaching school' does not prepare teachers for the possibility of kids not being thrilled about playing lame English games.

To spare him from further soul-crushing disillusionment, I did not tell him that today I had to break up not one, but two fist fights.

Fight one. The contenders: Kid A, Kid B and Some Girl. Kid A had just dropped his empty milk carton in the crate when Kid B called his mother a Painted Clown Monkey. Kid B did the only appropriate thing and dove across the desk flailing his arms like a pinwheel, hoping against hope a random act of violence would lead to a fist connecting to a face. That didn't happen before I pulled Kid A off.

New Female Co-teacher (who has yet to prove herself interesting enough for a snappy name) took care of Kid B by pointing him toward Some Girl. In his blind fury Kid B grabbed a fist full of Some Girl's hair and pulled with all his might.

In the commotion, the other students sprang from their seats and began wandering aimlessly around the room. New Female Co-teacher freed Some Girl who immediately collapsed to the floor sobbing.

Having nothing else to do (Kid A was now over the whole 'painted clown monkey' incident and playing with the phone across the room), I decided to comfort Some Girl. I picked her up and fixed her pony tail which was in tatters. She felt somewhat better with her repaired hairdo and was able to return to her seat.

With that taken care of, it was time for me to sit and look bored at the front of the class. I entertained myself by glaring fiercely at Kid B. He put his head guiltily on his desk. When he lifted it, I glared even more. He looked guiltily over at Some Girl who was still whimpering. I glared at him EVEN MORE! He got up and went over to Some Girl. He put his hand gently on her arm and apologized.

I considered my work done, so I glared a little less until class was over.


Mr. Awesomecool said...

Way to longhead stare that kid into submission. Longhead stare berry powerfur.

Anonymous said...

Yo mama is a painted clown monkey is the new yo mama so fat! Love it!

SuperFantabulous said...

Thanks to you're incredible name-calling brilliance!