Saturday, February 27, 2010


If you thought my last post was both rambling and pointless you're right! You win a gold star! A few scant hours later, I have 'come back to myself' so to say. I've returned to Slightly-More-Cognizant town, though how I ever left, given my propensity to shun anything stronger than organic green tea is up for rousing, jockularitous debate.

Actually, if I'm being honest (which I rarely am) the point of the last self-indulgent run-around was to tell you this story:

One of my fledgling offspring is threatening to fly the nest. She has suddenly come to the conclusion that her singular purpose in life is to return to the not so sparkling middle school from whence she came. Forget that she was never a fan of school while she was there and surrounded herself with a very small group of close personal friends, most of whom she didn't like all that much (oh, the nut does not fall far from the tree, does it?), or that she once stabbed someone with a pencil. He bled, though not to death.

I think all this nonsense is a symptom of a larger problem. It can't be that she see's a sparkle in that loathsome fiefdom from whence we came. She's just tired of the K-patty. She went from being a girl of a few select activities, to a girl sitting amongst the rice. Oh, it does grow, but ever so slowly. Even the shit-town she's from starts to look good by comparison.

While there are a few things I miss from back home, they are all food. I can deal with it, by using to my advantage. The lack of variety is doing wonders for me in my relentless bid to win double-plus-gold-star-medal in the six pack competition. My love of food is still trouncing my addiction to terrible TV shows, but it's easier not to overindulge on doughnuts and spam, when all placed before you have essence of kimchi seeping through every cell.

So maybe she will fly away, who knows. She's very stubborn and opinionated. She tends to get what she wants by wearing everyone around her down until they're too tired to fight back anymore. Even though I have the inertia of a small planet, it is very difficult to not be moved by her willful ways.

I like my kids enough that it is high on my priorities list to keep them on the same continent as I am. I've given her many reasons as to why moving back home sucks more than living here. However, my daughter is immune to my bullshit. She's never been the type of kid that would believe a word her mother says, just because it's her mother saying it. She's also never been one to lose focus on the object of her current fixation, no matter how unshiny that object might be.

It is an age old ploy parents have implemented since time began to say something vague to a specific question posed by their children. This tactic serves two purposes:
1. It keeps the kid happy.
2. It keeps you from having to go above and beyond the call of basic parenting duty.

For example:
"Let's bake a cake, Mommy!"
"Oh. Maybe tomorrow?"
Tomorrow comes and you and most kids have long forgotten about this ill-fated cake baking venture. My kid is not most kids:

"Mommy, let's bake the cake now."
"Yesterday you said we could bake a cake today. It is now today. Let's bake the cake now!"
"Oh crap."

Even my feeble attempts at further deflection are met with resounding fists of logic.

"We can't bake the cake today, I'm sorry. I don't have ingredients."
"Then let's go to the store."
"Well . . . I can't, right now, maybe later."
"Why? You're not doing anything but eating and watching terrible TV shows! You don't have to be doing that right now! You can do that after we go to the store!"
"Ok! Fine! I'll get ready in a minute! Go find someone else to harass for a little while and come back later!"

Later inevitably arrives.

"It's been a little while, now let's go get the ingredients."
"Alright! I'm coming!"
Brief pause
"No, Mom, you're not! You're still sitting there eating and watching terrible TV shows!"
"Stop staring at me! Go out front and find your shoes and I'll meet you there!"
"No! I've been waiting all day! You think I'm dumb enough to go outside without you? Now get up! You said we could bake a cake today! We're going to bake a cake today and we're going to do it right now!"
So we bake the fucking cake.

Mr. Baekseju, you might want to take notes.


Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

If you thought my last post was both rambling and pointless you're right!

That's just one aspect of SuperFantabulous appeal.

Mister Baekseju said...

Thanks for the foot-note my dear Missis Superfantabulous.

I'm actually very much looking forward having a rugby team worth of Eurasian offsprings in order to help me cooking, brewing and moon-shining.

SuperFantabulous said...

Thanks Chicken! For that 'above and beyond' compliment, you earn 'most favored commenter status*'!

*it is a purely imaginary, symbolic position, full if made up perks and frivolous paperwork.

SuperFantabulous said...

Mr. Bejesku, did that sound like I wasn't thrilled beyond measure at my procreational abilities? Cause that's not at all what I meant. I'm continuously, constantly thrilled. I thrill so hard it hurts. :)