Friday, March 26, 2010


Several months ago Mr. AwesomeCool recieved a box of truffles from his co-teacher for reasons unknown to anybody. Perhaps she takes a fancy to his Longhead looks and his Longhead ways?

The box was brought home and has wiled away several months on the floor beside our refridgerator. Why were they not instantly consumed, you ask? The chocolates did not stand up to my SuperFantabulous standards. If I'll throw two giant tubs of peanut butter out the window for the simple sin of being non-organic, what did you think would happen to non-vegan, non-free trade, non-organic chocolate?

Well, I tried to throw it frisbee-style out the window. Mr. AwesomeCool foiled my plans. Instead, he tried to convince me to take it to school as a random act of kindness. I refused. Random acts of kindness lead to random acts of kindness in return. I'd rather just keep things how they are.

Then my perpetual brilliance surfaced. I'll give it to Mr. Toad as a going away preasent! That way it won't be random and he'll be gone so he can't do anything back! Annoying box of chocolate problem solved!

So just as Mr. Toad was about to hoppity hop away, I sprung it on him.

"I got you a going away present!"

"No!" He said, not even looking at what it was.

"Yes! It's just some chocolate!"

"No, no!"

The traditional Roundhead way of politely refusing before accepting was becoming extremely tiresome extremely quickly.

"Yes! Take it!" I advanced toward him with the chocolates.

He stepped back, "No! I will not take it!"

"Yes! Take the chocolate! Just take it!" At this point I was practically chasing him around the room with it.

"No! Absolutely not! I will not!" He shook his head violently and ran the other way.

"No! It's fine! You can take it!" I cut him off by the shelves.

"No! I will not take it!" He circled around the desk.

Now it was feeling less like a gift giving and more like an attempted rape. I am certainly not one to belittle the power of "No means no." So I relented.

"Fine." I stopped running and put the stupid slave chocolates back in my bag.

The whole event transformed his leaving from the celebratory event it should have been to a full body workout with a side of completely annoying. And worst of all, I still have that fucking box of chocolates.


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot said...

"...less like a gift giving and more like an attempted rape". Sounds like every attempt I ever made to get a girl to dance with me.

SuperFantabulous said...

There's a fine line we must walk. A very fine line.

Danielle said...

I get loads of questionable (and/or disgusting) foods placed on my desk. I re-gift them to students. They'll eat anything.

LMAO @ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Anonymous said...

"...chasing him around the room with it." Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. Excellent storytelling!