Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The French Suck!

Just for fun, I thought I'd go back to last year around this time to see what I was doing. Lucky for me, I've been writing this blog for well over two years now, so it was easier than getting jerked off in a Korean massage parlor.

Unfortunately for me, I wasn't doing much of anything interesting last year (except gearing up to fight with anti-transgendered dip shits in a pointless display of moral, political, and social superiority). So I went back to 2008.

What a naive young thing I was! My dream of expatting away was only just beginning to seem possible. I had yet to deal with the joys of visa acquisition, language barriers and the super-weird backwardness of doing things in a wrong and untimely fashion (also known as not properly appreciating the 'culture' of others.)

So, two years ago around this time, I had applied for a job teaching English in Lille, France. Stupid me! I thought I had a chance of getting the job. Well, technically, I did get the job. Stupid them. I persevered through two job interviews and the beginnings of a work permit application before my visions of beret wearing and baguette eating came crashing down:

French Bureaucracy (March 14, 2008)
I finally emailed the French company to see what was going on and they said they applied for everything. He checked in with their accountant to see what the hold up was and they needed a little bit more information from me. So now I'm just waiting for the call from the embassy saying my visa is ready.
I really don't think it's going to happen in time though. They wanted someone in March and March is almost over! I don't know if I would be prepared to move across the world with a week's notice. Just in case, I've been plowing through my Pimsleur French!

I'm such a dork. I actually thought it would happen. Soon after this post they simply stopped answering my e-mails. I was disappointed but I was also kind of relieved.

I didn't speak a word of French (though since then I did finish all three levels of Pimsleur French! Yay me! Je peux parler un peu du Fran├žais!), I had never taught anyone, anything before, let alone an entire language, I would have had to drag my family across the ocean on short notice and start a life in a new and strange land. That does not dissuade me from being horribly bitter about it.

Just think what my life would be now! It would be superior in every single way imaginable! Most importantly, bitching about life in France would be so much more entertaining than bitching about life in the ding-dong of China. An epic win was on the horizon. And the French had to go and ruin it for everyone.


Mister Baekseju said...

To teach English in France, you need a bachelor degree (minimum) in the TEFL field, and in order to be able to teach in the public system, you're required to take another exam provided by the government. This exam is as difficult (if not more) as a Bachelor degree final exam. If you don't have this certification, you're limited to "assistant jobs" (underpaid, boring, most of the time part-time).

I don't know if it's a good thing, but the French government doesn't hand over teaching visas the way Korea does. It was a major pain in the ass when my (American) ex-fiancee wanted to immigrate in France.

There's as much if not more to be confused about France. From the blogs of American expats who live in France I read, The culture shock seems to be much more enormous for an American who immigrates in my Old Country, than for an American who immigrates in Uzbekistan, Zimbabwe or Qatar.

Well, I will continue to write my blog when I'm back home. So you'll most likely be able to read my rants about my home-country every couple of days. The people who bitch the most about France (after the Algerians, Morrocans and Tunisians) are the French themselves.

Anyway, you didn't miss much, Lille and whatever is on the French side of the border in a 100 miles perimeter, is quite the shit-hole.

SuperFantabulous said...

Thanks for the pep talk! I look forward to your anti-French ranting. Still, I'll probably be insanely jealous!