Friday, February 26, 2010

Miscalculation

I thought I had been in Korea for six months. I thought I was halfway done with all this shit. Then I realized I don't know how to count. It's been almost five months. The realization nearly killed me instantly.

Some strange things have been happening. I'm sitting alone all day at the end of a dark hallway. I like to keep the lights off in my office to set the mood. The Koreans think I'm a freak. I decided today was casual Friday and came to work in a t-shirt and jeans. For some reason, I was the only one who got the memo. Everyone else is in suits and fluffy blouse and skirt ensembles.

A few days ago, Koreans sprayed the floor of my office. They left once a sizable puddle had been created. Yesterday, the Koreans randomly changed my shoe locker. It took me a good 30 seconds to find my shoes. Today a Korean came in to ask me what color my chair was.

I recently read a guest post on Ms. Lousy's blog. Something was mentioned about radioactive dust blowing over here from the Gobi Desert. I'm already freaked out about the constant pollutive haze that hangs over everything, now in addition to Korean funk, I have to worry about radioactive Chinese dust?

I have a deep distrust of toxins. Why else would I threaten to throw out two huge buckets of peanut butter? It wasn't organic, that's why. Peanut butter is my favorite food of all time, I wouldn't throw it out without a very good reason.

I've added 'having a six pack' to my list of life goals.
Mr. AwesomeCool and I are competetive, but only with each other. Today I decided we were having a six pack competition. I also decided that he had already lost. From the right angle, with the right lighting, it can be believed that I have a six pack.

4 comments:

Mike in Korea said...

why bother you already have c cups a donkey dick and a husband

SuperFantabulous said...

You're absolutely right. It's pretty hard to improve on perfection.

Lousy Korea said...

Someone once told Koreans that they must work with the lights on. They take this as an absolute truth.

Koreans are retarded. They don't think for themselves in any way.

I get annoyed when they turn on the lights in my classroom in the afternoons, which after my classes, I share with no one else. I happen to enjoy the sunlight and loathe the florescents. I've taken to spend the last half of my lunch hour taking out all the light bulbs.
They definitely don't know what to think of that! The dumb lousy idiots.

SuperFantabulous said...

Haha! Taking the lights out is only a temporary solution. The Koreans will stumble through the 'missing lights' conundrum in a few simple steps:
1. They will flip the switch on and off for at least half an hour with a bewildered look on their face.
2. Once they figure out randomly flipping the switch isn't going to get the lights to turn on, they're going to spend another half an hour ispecting the actual light.
3. They will eventually discover that the lights are not there. It will take them another half an hour to get over the confusingness of this situation.
4. Realizing that being confused about the missing lights is not going to solve the problem, they will make it a top priority to obtain new lights that they can merrily switch on when they are not wanted/needed.

Repeat to your hearts content.