Saturday, February 27, 2010

If I'm Being Honest

My husband has a blog.

He frequently writes about me, because, let's face it! I'm a shining jewel of a wife, practically perfect in every way and far more interesting than he will ever be. Just about everything I do is absolutely sparkling.

Most of the time I'm pretty shameless too. I don't care what he writes about me. However, sometimes he goes a little to far, like today (only read if you are not easily disgusted).

Somebody once told me I should embarrass him back by telling nasty disturbing stories about him. I don't think that would have the desired effect.

So in order to shame the shameless, I'm not going to write about how he eats like Starvin' Marvin at an all you can eat buffet, or how his head leaves a greasy yellow stain on his pillow.

I'm going to write about the softer side of Mr. AwesomeCool.

1. When he was on vacation and I had to work, he still got up each and everyday to make me breakfast and tea.
2. He waits at the bus stop for me after school even though I arrive a good 15 minutes after he does.
3. While I find babies uninteresting and 99.9% of white babies repulsive, he gets all gooey at the sight of them.
4. He also likes cute little animals and frequently posts animals being cute on his facebook.
5. If there are two cookies left, without hesitation, he'll let me have both of them rather than having one himself.
6. When it really matters, ladies always come first.
7. When I informed him of our six pack challenge he said, "You don't need a six pack. You're beautiful just the way you are."
8. He's had to call upon an bionic amounts of patience in putting up with occasional bouts of complete insanity coming from my general direction (in a nondescript way) over the years and he still thinks I'm the greatest thing since all you can eat buffets.

He might try to come off as a crass motherfucker who just doesn't give a shit, but the reality is, he's a big, hairy, white teddy bear, filled to the brim with love, rainbows and cotton candy.


LouDog said...

There is nothing disgusting about making sweet love to a totally disinterested partner.

Danielle said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little.


SuperFantabulous said...

Haha! You can't say I didn't warn you.