Thursday, February 11, 2010


Mr. Toad called me at 7:00 this morning.

Mr AwesomeCool was concerned by something he heard, "There was weird music and birds chirping in the living room."

After much investigatory activities, I found out it was Mr T. calling me at 'way to fucking early' O'clock. I was not able to come to the phone at that time, being much too overwhelmed by sleeping activities. After the alarm went off at 7:20, I was significantly less comatose and somewhat better able to engage in communicating via mobile phone activities.

So at 7:25 I called him back.

Mr T: I driving! I pull over!!
Me: Ummmmm . . . Ok.
Mr T: I forgot to tell you something yesterday! (Presumably pulled over at this point, though since no time has elapsed, I can only assume he's partaking in the traditional Korean driving technique of stopping dead on the freeway and turning on his hazard lights 'for safety'.)
Me: Yeah?
Mr T: Principal say you must dress very neat and tidy and look pretty today for graduation ceremony!

I informed Mr. AwesomeCool of the situation, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that unlike normally, you should try to look neat and tidy."

So try I did. I put on tights, a skirt and one of my sister's shirts, cause she's got 'a better taste' than I do.

Mr. AwesomeCool' suggested I fix my hair. He told me to use the straightener he bought me a week ago that I had yet to use. I thought he might be right. I plugged the thing in and began straightening, but quit almost immediately. My hair was not interested in being flat, preferring instead to flare out like a Christmas tree.

Mr. AwesomeCool was inordinately disappointed, "I can't believe you gave up already!"
It was obvious at this point that he was not really concerned with how I looked but was instead trying to live vicariously through my hair. The outrage! I glared at Baldy and tied my hair back, going with my usual, 'just rolled out of bed' look. Forgive me, Koreans, I tried. Sort of.

I arrived at the ceremony and immediately felt shockingly under dressed. The men were all in suits and the women were in color coordinated blousey skirty ensembles. However, my feelings of inadequacy were strongly overshadowed my by feelings of hypothermia.

Mr. T explained the situation: "The heat working! But they open all windows! Heat disappear!" He waved his hands floatingly, signifying the heat escaping through the high, huge, open windows.

I couldn't answer through my chattering teeth. I smiled and nodded and thought terrible things about whoever's idea that was.

I had brought my camera, expecting singing and dancing and traditional displays of some sort. I was sorely disappointed and bored out of my mind five seconds in.

Mr. T felt the long tedious process in which each and every student goes on the stage to personally accept their diploma from the principal was an excellent time to clear something up.

"When I call you, I call from home! Before driving! When you call me, I pull over! I not driving!"

What the fuck? Does he think I'm going to turn him into the cops or something?

As soon as it was over I dashed back up to my English office and stood in front of the heater to thaw out. Mr. T came in and looked out the window.

"It getting colder! Don't you think so?!"
I nodded, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
"I go ask vice principal if you can leave early."
I nodded more enthusiastically.
"It dangerous to drive! Snow turn to ice! Very dangerous!"
I nodded more enthusiastically still, "Yes! Ice very dangerous!"

He talked to the vice principal on 'my' behalf and the both of us got to go home early.

Mr. T is my new best friend. It is truly tragic that our 'BF' status won't flourish to 'BFF' status, as today was his last day. Sad.


Flint said...

The heat is on but the windows are open. Classic.

Damn, they turn on the heat at your school?!?!

SuperFantabulous said...

Yes, someone must be cold-blooded like me, cause each room has not one, but two heaters! Very nice! Though someone always has to ruin it by getting it in their head that they have to have the windows open while the heater(s) are on.