Thursday, January 7, 2010

Mooooobie Day!

This morning, I decided to spontaneously change today's theme from "Winter Animals and Clothing" to just "Animals".

The result? I learned that making important lesson plan decisions five minutes before the lessons are supposed to start, when you stayed up well past your bedtime watching Smallville the night before is not nearly as brilliant of an idea as it seems.

First, I added 'Farm Animals' to today's funfest. I showed them this Sesame Street Video which they found bizarre to the point that it disturbed and many of them had to cover their eyes.

"Ohhhh nooooo! She so crazy!"
"Ohhhh my gahhhh!"
"What she doingggeeee?"

Since that went over so well, I decided the best thing to do was to teach them Old MacDonald. What I envisioned as a rousing, fun filled sing along, quickly degenerated into them staring blankly at me or mumbling along until I got to the 'ee-i-ee-i-o!' They were all over that part and it almost made it worth my debut as a solo artist, but not quite.

Then I added 'African Animals' to the discussion. Since, once again, I didn't have anything prepared, I had them watch this video:

I hadn't bothered to watch it before hand, so I didn't realize that there are several instances of 'animal love' along with a rhinoceros taking a huge dump and as if things couldn't get any better an enormous rhinoceros boner.

"Sexeee! Sexeee!"
"Rhinoo! Oh my gaaahhhhh!"
"What are they doingeee!?"

Once again, I was confronted with a classroom of squealing students with their hands plastered over their eyes. The random teacher who was unfortunate enough to be chosen to accompany me to class today whirled around to face away from the TV and pretended she didn't notice.

I stopped the video mid-hump and quickly moved on.

I found Madagascar 2 on YouTube and that was to be the cherry on top of my animal sundae. Kids love movies! They'll love this movie! Who cares if they don't understand a word any one's saying! They'll be entertained and I'll get to sit there and do nothing and pretend it's educational! Epic win for everyone involved!

I started the movie and two seconds later 11 of the 13 kids in my class were bored out of their minds. Two of them began a game of 'annoy-each-other-until-it-turns-into-a-chair kicking, running, screaming, punching brawl'. The girls started drawing faces on their fingers and smearing them all over their desks. I did the appropriate thing and ignored all of that and tried to enjoy the movie.

There was one kid who was totally into it. He would call out the name of anything and everything he saw and knew the English word for:

"Rioneee! Hipprpotmmmnnn! Tree! Water! Baby rionee! Dad rioneee big hair!!"
Normally I would find that incredibly annoying, but it was welcome proof that the day hadn't been a complete waste.
"Giraffee! Water! Drinkee! Pengoo-innee! Grandmother!! Handie Bag!"

I was especially pleased when we got to the part where the Rionee's mom kisses him goodnight.

"Boy rioneee! Girl rioneee! Loveee! Sexeeee! Hot!"
The only other kid paying attention concurred, nodding thoughtfully, "Hot."

And that is how my students learned the most valuable lesson of all: Incestuous mom on son lion sex is totally hot.


Danielle said...

Very nice lesson.

I did a lesson about music. I asked them to pick an English song. They said "Mariah Carey" so I picked the first video on youtube.

I didn't realize the name was called "touch my body" until we were already watching it.

I let them watch the whole video and tried to pretend like it wasn't about sex. But by the end of the video, my face was bright red. I don't want to be known as the teacher showing porn in class.


Expat Wannabe said...

Who knew porn (animal and human) could be such an amazing efl tool?

LouDog said...

Incestuous lionee sex is pretty fucking hot.