Friday, December 25, 2009

A Christmas Miracle!

Today I was feeling irritated, which is my version of depressed. Sadly, I'm not the type to keep a bad mood to myself in a mopey, weepy kind of way. I spread that misery around. Who wants to be annoyed alone? Nobody. It's much more fun if everyone is involved.
Maybe I was irritated because Christmas just isn't the same without some good old fashioned family drama.
Maybe it's that we weren't having a home cooked Christmasy dinner.
Maybe it's that the devout atheist in me is highly offended that I still celebrate Christmas at all.
Maybe it's that for dinner last night and lunch today I ate at least a cup of what amounts to 100% chocolate with 50% more added sugar that Mr. AwesomeCool made to frost the Christmas cookies with and today I was crashing in a freebased chocosugar withdrawal.

Sometime last week, Mr. AwesomeCool decided he didn't want to cook a big Christmas dinner, so, in honor of Present Day/Winter Solstice/Christmas, we went to enjoy a vegan smorgasbord. As the time to leave drew near, I had serious doubts about this endeavor. I did not want to go anywhere. It was way too fucking cold.

The kids didn't want to go either, but if we didn't go, we would have no dinner. What's Christmas without dinner? It's lame, that's what.

So we went. We got off the subway and wandered around in the freezing cold for about 15 minutes before Mr. AwesomeCool suddenly, unexpectedly admitted that he was lost.

"What!" I was gobsmacked! His sense of direction was at least 50% infallible!
Before I could unleash a pent up tirade of Christmas induced hatespeach, he cornered some guy and asked him if he knew how to get to the restaurant. His clever ploy worked. I'm highly interested in strangers, especially when I'm not the one that has to talk to them. This one spoke very good English and was rather handsome with a good looking girlfriend.

The guy and his girlfriend chattered back and forth for a while before informing us that we were very far away and had better get a cab. Since we're stupid Americans who can't even do something simple like find a restaurant, the guy didn't trust us to manage the cab finding task on our own and insisted on finding us one.

I wholeheartedly agreed with his assessment. I mean, what kind of people drag their kids out of the house on Christmas in order to get lost on a cold sporadically snowy night? No the smart, upstanding type, that's for sure. However, at finding a cab, he failed miserably.

He and his girlfriend chattered some more and decided that the best thing to do at this point was to take us to the restaurant themselves.


I was not sure I could believe my ears. He told us to follow them. I was a little worried they might be the kidnap/murder type of people, but quickly decided I didn't care, as long as I got out of the cold. We got into their car and he told us that he was just back from Israel where he got his doctorate in chemical engineering. He was sympathetic toward us cause he knows what it's like to be in a strange place.

I became irritated with him for being smart enough to get a doctorate in chemical engineering while I had been dicking around my whole life and now found myself teaching English in Korea, which is not as cool as getting a doctorate in chemical engineering in Israel. Why hadn't I ever thought of getting a degree in chemical engineering in Israel? This lack of foresight on my part haunted me for the rest of the evening.

When we got to the restaurant, he felt like he still hadn't done enough. He decided that he would come in with us to make sure we were able to order. Jeez, guy! Now you're making me feel like a prick not only for being too dumb to have ever thought of getting a chemical engineering degree in Israel, but also because it would never, ever occur to me to try to be this nice to people I'm related to, let alone complete strangers!

We assured him that we would be just fine. He gave us his card and instructed us to call him anytime we needed help. He promised to be there for us, unless, that is, he was too busy doing something else.

That's more like it, buddy, make vague promises we all know you're not going to keep. That's the way a real human behaves.

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