Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Chill

Frequently, in the middle of a hot, dry Summer in RainTown, I start fantasizing about all the places I would rather live. Great Britain, Vancouver, Germany, Sweden . . . the possibilities are endless during those heady days of scalding sun.
I think to myself, "As long as I'm in a really amazing place, I'll be happy. It won't matter if it's cold and gray. I can stand it, if I'm somewhere I like."
Inevitably, those searing Summer days come to an end. With winter on the horizon, creeping up on me like the soul sucking phantom beast it is, I begin to quaver.
"I'm pretty sure I can handle it, anyway. As long as I'm not here."
Mr. AwesomeCool smirks. He thinks he knows me or something.
Then, when Winter sneaks up on me and I'm suddenly struggling to catch my breath against the crushing rain and bitter freeze, the realization hits. For the nth time, to the nth degree I realize I unequivocally, unrelentingly, hate the cold. I fucking hate it. It creeps through my clothes, winds it's way under my skin, where it takes up residence in the pit of my stomach and coagulates into a guts shaped icicle.
For a while I convinced myself that it was only the rain that bothered me.
"If I could have just a little bit of sunshine, I wouldn't care if it was cold."
No. No. No. No. Absolutely not true. I found this out a few years ago when RainTown experienced an uncharacteristic cold snap, accompanied by unseasonal sunshine.
I did not enjoy it one bit. I was thrilled when the temperature warmed and the rain returned. That is until the rain didn't stop for a month. Or two. Or three.
Here in Korea, there is a short, but very cold winter. I know I'm going to be miserable, but will the fact that it's so short make it better? Like being dunked in icy water and then having it done with, rather than dragging it out, wading in inch by inch?
It doesn't matter. I'm writing it down so I won't ever forget. I'll look at this when I've forgotten what cold is and I'll remember. Won't I? I will, unless I go someplace really amazing . . . Then maybe it won't bother me . . .

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