Saturday, August 16, 2008

Dirty Meth Heads!

Stole my damn bike! Actually it was my husbands bike, but as there is no pre-nup, I own half of it. Here's the ad he put on Craigslist:

Someone Stole My Blue and Grey Trek Mountain Bike Tonight 9:30 at the Hilyard Center

The bike is a blue and grey trek mountain bike, with black handle bars, rims, and black plastic fenders, the back one is broken. There was a seriously faded blue saddle bag on the back fender.
Some bald fat *sshole in a black T-shirt stole my bike from the Hilyard community center tonight. I saw the Mother F*cker ride off into the night, probably wanted to sell it to buy Jenny Craig or kiddie porn. He looked like he might be suffering from social or slight mental retardation. If you see this F-Tard please do not let your children or pets near him (he probably will molest either), use shiny objects to distract him and then club him in his tiny penis. Most likely he lives in his mom's basement and attends live action role playing events on weekends. So if your creepy cousin, or that guy who lives next door and wont make eye contact with adults fits this description and suddenly shows up with MY BIKE, please either call the non-emergency police (682-5111) or e-mail me sqrlnutz at hotmail dot com, so I can come over and curb stomp the fool.

In case you don't know, my husband works with the special needs folks there. So that makes the jerk-wad extra shitty.

Then today I got a flat tire right when I got to the gym. After my workout, I was getting ready to go into the sauna when I realized I had forgotten my towel. Oh, well, I wasn't going to let that stop me. However, after I got back from the sauna and was all wet from the shower, I went to put my shirt on and it wasn't there! I'd forgotten to pack a shirt. I stood there in my bra wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. My gym friend astutely noted, "You can't go home like that!" I really, really, didn't want to wear my exercise shirt again because it was so sweaty I could have rung it out and it still would have dripped. Luckily I remembered I had a bikini top that I went into the sauna with and even though it was sweaty, it at least didn't stink. So I had to walk my bike home, wearing my bikini top and scrubs.

I got home and passed out on the bed while my kids colored.

Husband rode my bike to the store and found out he won $80 bucks on a lottery ticket! Never mind that he's wasted at least $300 buying those stupid things.

Then husband made me a feast: Baked eggplant, coconut curry soup, corn on the cob, popcorn, cake and ice cream. I was so full I could hardly breath cause my stomach was crushing my diaphragm.

Later on we went for a walk and saw the beautiful red sky and a big fat moon. So it turned out alright in the end.

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