Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It Snowed and other Conundrums.

Snow is a rare occurrence in RainyTown and even rarer that it sticks. So when it happens EVERYTHING shuts down. Even if it's just a couple inches, there will be no school, no after school lessons (even though by then it will almost definitely have melted) people are advised to avoid going outside, let alone driving. People do still drive in the snow. Badly.
So this morning when I had both Blue and Green and needed to go to the gym I decided we should walk rather that have a native Eugenian risk everyone's life by taking up the wheel when the roads had SNOW on them!
My hesitancy was a severe overreaction. By the time we got out the door, it was obvious that the streets were completely clear and in a weird twist if fate, it was the sidewalks that were perilous. Slushy, lumpy and slick. No matter. How often will I have a chance to go for a walk in the snow with my girls? Not very.
We made it safely with only a few stumbles which were rendered ever so amusing thanks to the novelty of soggy snow all over the ground. I checked the girls into childcare (a grueling process requiring many signatures and much photo ID showing) and began my workout.
I spoke a few words to a SPINNER who couldn't fathom why I was on the stair stepper when there was clearly a spinning class about to occur.
"Remember?" I hollered down to him between breaths, "Spin *huff* is *gasp* stupid *puff*!" He laughed uproariously at such obvious sacrilege and winked at me about our "inside joke" and scampered off to mount his mighty steed squeaky bike.
Next up: The sauna! My favorite part of the workout because the workout part is technically over and I just get to sit there. First thing, a sauna buddy who I rarely see anymore because he has a girlfriend now and his commitment to the gym has suffered. Anyway, he and his Barbie doll girlfriend (if Barbie were 60 and had been overly friendly with the tanning bed) were in there talking about her kids, specifically her eight year old son. Trying to hid my shock at this woman having an eight year old son and not an eight year old grandson I pretended to be interested as he uttered, "I'm going to have to start calling him Chinese!"
Oh brother. I braced myself for the punchline . . . Perhaps he likes rice and vegetables? He enjoys making cheap toys out of plastic? He writes using calligraphy and indiscernible yet elegant symbols?
No. Sauna buddy began laughing at his own joke, "Because he goes around just like this . . ." And with that he scrunched up his eyes and plastered a huge grin on his face from ear to ear complete with buck teeth.
Now that is a stereotype I thought had died with Tiananmen square.
I cocked my head to the side and was only able to utter and incredulous, "OK . . ."
Luckily they both left soon after.
Next came a woman who had one of these hideous things on her head. Without any provocation on my part, she proceeded to tell me that her back had been seriously injured in a car accident on Beltline Highway and she has to come in the sauna before she works out so she can "Loosen it up."
I made the mistake of asking her a few questions about it which led to the revelation that she's a strict vegetarian (read vegan) and that she believes that the New Testament is a folk tale, but The Book of Revelations has the secret cure for aging which lies in protecting your "golden oil" (which resides in our spinal cord) from being expelled during sex. Furthermore, at one time everyone was bisexual and breatharians (existed by ingesting required calories and nutrients through the air) and back then, virgin births were possible.
Hmmmm. And I wonder why vegans have such a bad reputation.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

I have so many things to say on the crazy lady that they are all stuck inside my head. It's like I have a traffic jam of words....All I can really say is, "Wow, really?" wow.